Page 78 of The Actor: Harrison

I’ve never been an over-thinker like this about something I’m working on. Now that I think about it, it seems more like an obsession than a healthy change of career.

“Tell me about it. Sometimes I need to run for miles on a treadmill to get tired enough to fall asleep without thinking about some problem with one of my companies. And considering how many I have, it’s basically a nightly occurrence,” Leonard mutters in a rare confession.

I’ve never heard him talk about his job like something he’s worried about. He usually tells us how to be profitable, how to invest our money. It always seems so easy for him that sometimes I forget that having an empire to run must be stressful.

I glimpse at Aaron and spot the surprise on his face too. I’m not the only one getting a glimpse at the human behind the mogul mask.

“So, what convinced you to write the screenplay?” Aaron diverts the topic from Leonard. We both know he hates appearing vulnerable and when the question leaves Aaron’s lips, Leonard’s shoulders drop just a bit, relaxing at the turn in conversation.

I shrug. “Sienna thought that I could do it. She believes I’m smart enough to pull off this and I thought I’d give it a try.”

He nods and smiles. He looks almost proud of my decision and I can’t wrap my mind around it. I was always considered the good-looking one, not the smart one.

“She’s right. I don’t know why you didn’t start sooner. You’re unbelievably talented but you’re the only one who doesn’t believe it,” he points out and I almost blush.

“Stop it. I feel like an impostor. I reread what I wrote and it sucks!”

He laughs and Leonard grins.

“Trust me, when you start to edit your first draft you’ll doubt your entire career!” Aaron chuckles.

“Thanks. I needed the support,” I mumble.

The smile fades a bit to give way to a serious face. “Don’t give up. When everything seems like it sucks, take a walk and come back later. Don’t throw away something this huge because of doubt. It’s normal, it happens to all of us. Just keep going and trust your gut. You have enough experience as an actor, you’ll have no problem figuring out what will work and what won’t.”

I appreciate his tips. He’s one of the most knowledgeable people in this industry and everything that comes out of his mouth is pure gold. Even if it’s just encouragement. He doesn’t push you into doing something if he thinks you don’t have the skills and knowing that is enough to make me believe in myself a bit more than before.

***

It’s almost ten when Aaron and Leonard leave my house. I suspect they stayed for so long to give me a break and take my mind off the screenplay. I understand their worry. I completely missed three days of my life, and that’s not even near to being normal behavior for a sane person. Especially someone like me who has never been so obsessed with something I forget how to live.

But I need to finish this. I know if I go to bed I’ll lose my momentum and won’t be able to write down everything in my head. I just need a little push and then I can go to bed. A bed without Sienna. Maybe that’s why I can’t face going into my bedroom without feeling lost.

I have no interest in walking into that room without the only person I miss more than air, food, or sleep. She is the reason I can pour my feeling onto the page, or a computer screen, and without her the only thing I can do is write those feeling into this movie.

Maybe I’m just a lovesick fool, or maybe I needed this wake-up call to put things in perspective. Whether the reason, this feels a lot like that fate I never believed existed.

“Okay, now you’re just ridiculous.” Harper’s voice from behind startles me.

“Are you insane? I almost peed my pants!” I scold, more to divert the subject from what she caught me doing.

“Sienna, you are stalking his Instagram! You are ridiculous, get your shit together and ask him what’s going on.” She doesn’t back down.

I hate when Harper takes it upon herself to be the voice of the reason. Because I know she’s right. I can’t contact Harrison and I’m stuck in a loop checking his social for any news. I even checked the gossip websites to get a glimpse at where he might be.

“It’s been a week and I have no idea where he is. He could be dead right now and I don’t even know it.” I whine like a kid that doesn’t want to do her homework.

She huffs and grabs my phone from my hand. “I repeat: you are ridiculous. You are an adult, just go to his house and check what’s going on.”

The problem is, if I go to his house and he doesn’t open his door for me, I’ll be crushed. It’s why I didn’t go there in the first place. I messed up and I’m scared to know just how badly.

Her scowl softens in a warm smile. She knows me well enough to understand my fears without me voicing them.

“Go, Sienna. I’m sure there’s an explanation for his radio silence.”

“What if he decided I’m not worth all this trouble?” I blurt out.

Harper is a bit surprised by my confession. I’m not known for talking about my feelings.

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