Page 50 of Let It Be Me

“But how’s hedoing,Dad? Come on.”

“From everything your aunt and uncle say, he’s been clean. We’re all proud of him.”

If I hadn’t known him all my life, I wouldn’t notice the quaver in his voice. It catches me off guard to hear him getting emotional, and for some reason I feel guilty. “Look, I want to see him. I called him on his birthday; he didn’t call back. I text him. He usually doesn’t answer, and when he does, it’s clear he doesn’t want to. So what the fuck?”

My dad looks at his shoes.

“I want to see him. Just not at some family barbecue celebratingmyfootball career.”

“Look, he has to get used to it,” Dad snaps, his voice solid again. “It’s reality.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“He’s an adult now, and it’s time he started acting like it. You make your choices and you take the consequences that follow.And you seize on the good things in your life—unless you enjoy being miserable.”

“And if he enjoys being miserable, Dad?”

“That’s another choice.”

Maybe. But Anthony doesn’t have a whole lot of choices in his life, especially not good ones; those were all given to me.

“Thank you,”I tell Ruby once we’re in the car headed back to Shafer.

“For bailing you out? It’s what we do.” She flips down the visor and inspects herself in the mirror. “So when are you going to see Anthony?”

“I don’t know.”

“Might not be so awkward if it was just you and him.”

“You mean instead of the entire family gathering to ooh and aah over Lorenzo’s big shiny dreams coming true while my cousin’s stocking shelves?”

“That’s not what bothers you, I don’t think.”

“Oh, good. Psychoanalysis time?”

“I mean, why not?” She pushes the visor back up and turns to me.

“Can you just do that privately? In your head?”

“No, I want to know if I’m right.”

“You’re not.”

“Please?” She puts her palms together.

“Fine. What’s the diagnosis, Doc?”

“I think what bothers you is that you’re living Anthony’s dream. College football, probably a pro career.”

“Wrong. The NFL’s been my dream ever since I found out I had a shot at it.”

She gives me a long, silent look.

“It is. I’ve wanted it for a long time.”

“And what are you going to do when you get it? Are you gonna be happy? Are you finally gonna stop living the way you do?”

“Living how?”

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