Page 35 of Lucky Sucker

“You mean the ones of you two kissing.”

My jaw clenched and my stomach let out an otherworldly rumble.

“Obviously you didn’t come here to spill the tea with me. What can I get you?”

I looked around. I was already seated at the counter, the first step at overcoming an anxious situation was always to ground myself. “Fries and a plain cheeseburger, please. Oh, and one of those strawberry shakes. They were so good last time.” The second step was sugar, a little something sweet always helped my mood when I could feel it about to come crashing.

Lucy scribbled it all down on a slip and tore it from the pad. “Perfect,” she said.

Selfishly, I thought that would’ve been the end of the conversation, but it wasn’t, and I was glad for the company. Or at least I was once I started eating, I sometimes became so preoccupied with the way my brain was screaming at itself with criticisms that I forgot it needed nourishment in the form of actual food stuffs.

The moment food finally touched my lips it was like a gift from above, a smile finally flourished across my lips, and I could hear that little voice, my little voice, all the way inside telling me to put myself first, and by myself, it was referring to the little place, buried deep.

Luke texted again, asking if I was coming over, and telling me he had something important he wanted to talk to me about. Everything seemed important to him, and he probably never had to deal with someone like me before, someone who wasn’t going to drop everything just because he was hot or had a reputation on the ice.

But still, I’d agreed to go over, even if my face wasn’t on the same page as my words. Lucy was the one to point it out to me.

“You don’t look happy,” she said in her cheerful tone. “Is it the fries? I told my dad people prefer crispier fries.”

“No, no, it’s nothing.”

“That’s a whole lot of frown, for nothing.”

“I’m supposed to be meeting Luke tonight, but tonight is teammate bonding night, so I don’t know how to approach it,” I blurted out to her.

Lucy leaned on the counter again, getting closer as the intrigue of gossip had tickled her. “Sounds like a no-brainer to me, go and see what he wants. You know, I bet they’re not hanging out all night. Maybe it’s like a midnight thing. You know, like a sleepover.” She giggled and tried to wink.

That wasn’t it, but the idea tickled my stomach. “I don’t think it’ll be that,” I mumbled. “I’m just nervous, I guess. Feels like—”

“Everyone is watching you,” she finished for me. “Because, trust me, people are looking, and they should. You’re cute. I bet most of them are jealous Luke got in there before them.”

It was becoming increasingly difficult to pretend, because we weren’t together. Luke had no idea what he was, and I was a little still searching for a caretaking and occasion Dom Daddy. Luke didn’t even know that about me.

“Also, are there any hot freshmen on the team that you could set me up with?” she asked. “I do love the way hockey players look, I don’t know what it is about them, a little rugged, a whole lot of—”

The bell behind her dinged as her father called through a ready order.

I had crushed on so many ice hockey players over the years, there was something arousing about the way they pounded their bodies into each other, bodychecking one and another. I didn’t want them to do that to me, but maybe if I was wearing all the gear, I wouldn’t mind it too much.

Another text from Luke arrived.

—I’ll swing by your place and grab you on the caddy. I’ll just doing a grocery run.

Panic set in once again. He was desperate to see me. I was desperate to become invisible.

After settling the bill at the diner, I made a dash home, nearly losing Bloo in all the commotion. My stomach had a glug to it with each step and half-sprint I took. I’d overeaten and now I was being punished by my body. I was in no state to see Luke like this, even if this was fake, I wanted to pretend it was real.

I was home for all of five minutes, changing clothes and spritzing myself with fruity colognes before the doorbell rang out and I could hear Luke engage in conversation with the housemates. Glancing at myself, my eyes worried about lingering too long and deciding I had to change immediately. I wore a pair of jeans rolled at the ankles, some boat shoes, a nice graphic t-shirt, and a navy-blue cardigan that had taken me a month to crochet.

A knock came at my bedroom door. “It’s just me,” he said.

I stayed quiet for a moment and screwed my eyes shut trying to regain my thoughts. If he wanted to talk to me this desperately, then I needed to also have something to say, and it would probably pit us at odds because I couldn’t do this any longer.

“Come in.”

Luke opened the door and stood there with a bouquet of red roses in his hands. “I didn’t want to come over empty handed,” he said, stepping into my room and presenting the bouquet to me.

Staring at the offering, it was too much for me. I didn’t accept them. “To keep up appearances,” I mustered, mushing my lips together.