Page 140 of Sweat

Looking back at me, Lese asks, “Can we talk for a sec?”

The glance I send Rowan seals the deal. He gives my hand a pulse and nods toward the side door leading outside. “I’m gonna check in with my parents before they leave. I’ll be right outside.”

I nod, but as soon as his hand slips from mine, I regret it. Still, I let him go, and I shove my hands in my pockets, committing to a longer convo than I have the mental will for.

“Is he always that funny?” Lese asks, eyes lingering on Rowan as he leaves out the courtyard exit. All it does is remind me that for a brief blip in time, she was all over Rowan. Even though I spent four years reciprocating Lese’s come-ons, I still feel an odd sort of jealousy that she’d touched Rowan before I knew I could.

“It comes and goes,” I shrug, knowing full well Rowan’s feeling a twinge of jealousy, too, over those four years Lese laid claim to me. In his weird way, he was letting her know I’m his now. Marking his territory with a half-jest the same way he does when someone hits on me in public. It’s always mildly embarrassing and semi-amusing, but I never tell him to stop, because it’s also oddly comforting. After all,hisis exactly what I want to be.

“Are you moving to San Jose?” she asks, a look in her eyes like she might hope I’ll say no.

“Yeah. Next week actually. I only stuck around here this long for Erica and to finish up the semester. I’ve already finalized my transfer to San Jose State, and I’ll be playing soccer there. Got a full ride, even. The coach over there loves that I got drafted and turned it down to stay in school, and he especially loves that I’ve got three years of eligibility left, which is good since I’m also changing my major. It’ll be at least another two years before I graduate.”

“Sounds like you got it all figured out,” she says with a wistful smile. “I’m glad. I’m glad you’re not alone.”

Speaking of not alone, over Lese’s head, I notice a particularly beefy man staring at us from a few yards away. “He with you?” I ask my ex.

She tosses a look over her shoulder, then swishes her hand dismissively. “Sorry, that’s just this guy I’ve been seeing.”

“You brought a date to your ex’s sister’s funeral?” I pop a small smirk because it’s just too funny.

“Well, you know me. Class act.”

I breathe something close to a laugh, which feels strange in my throat and a little inappropriate given the venue.

“Can I ask you something?” she murmurs timidly. “I don’t want to make today all about me, but I figure I’ll probably never see you again.”

“What is it, Lese?”

“So…” she stalls, pursing her lips to either side of her face to make her nose wiggle. “How gay are you?”

“Uhh.” A hand leaves my pocket to itch at the back of my neck. “Like, a hundred percent.”

“Did you know the whole time we were together?”

Heaving a sigh, I suppose Lese deserves to know, so instead of brushing her off, I answer as honestly as I can. “It’s complicated. I didn’tknow, but I kinda knew.”

She nods, sucking on her bottom lip.

“I’m sorry,” I offer.

“You should be,” she says evenly, “but I should be sorry too, so I think that cancels it out.”

“Beef squashed?”

Her mouth quirks a half smile. “Yeah. Beef squashed. Can I give you a hug?”

I’m a little burnt out on non-familial hugs, but I nod and accept Lese into my arms for the last time. A loose, passionless hug, with my hands on her upper back. I pat her when it’s been long enough, and we separate.

“Take care of yourself,” I tell her, because I’m not sure her current man is up for the job, but that’s not my business anymore.

Feet taking me where my heart guides them, I end up in the courtyard, draping my arms around Rowan’s waist and burying my face in his shoulder. If I weren’t forty pounds heavier than him, I might try clinging to his body like a koala. He was in the middle of talking to Xia about something, but I know she won’t mind my intrusion, and I guess I’m just too needy to care right now. Rowan is quick to hug me back, palms sweeping my spine and lips pecking my temple.

“Wanna go home?” he whispers.

Home.Home sounds glorious, but not the home he’s referring to. I want to go to San Jose. I want to go to the king size bed I’ve been sleeping in a couple weekends out of the month like mini vacations, yearning to turn those vacations intolife.Life with Rowan.

“Can we get ice cream?” I hum, hoping Xia can’t hear how clingy and whiney her son’s boyfriend is.

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