Page 68 of Sweat

“Chill out, Xia,” Matt tells her. “You’re making Rowan uncomfortable.”

“No, I’m not,” she argues, but when I look at Rowan, he looks upset. I want to put my arm around him and tell him his mom is right. He is a good man, with or without soccer.

“Tommy, how’s practice going?” Matt asks me. “Finding your footing alright?”

“Yeah, it’s been alright. Don’t think I could’ve made it this far without your son’s help, though.”

“My son?” Matt chuckles, laying a hand on the head of the babbling toddler in the highchair. “Did Rowan tell you we’re his parents?”

“No,” Rowan answers for me, quickly and firmly. His face is red, and he looks more embarrassed now than when Xiamara insinuated that we’re more than just friends.

Shit.“I’m sorry. I assumed—”

“It’s okay,” Rowan tells me.

“Matt was an assistant soccer coach at McClatchy when Rowan was there,” Xiamara says. “He’s been living with us since his senior year of high school. He’s pretty much family now. If I weren’t too young, Rowan could be my son.”

“You would’ve been sixteen. It’s not too young,” Olive objects.

“Yes, it is,” Xiamara tells her pointedly. “Sixteen is too young. Way too young.”

“Not forGilmore Girls,” Olive argues.

“I knew letting you watch that was a mistake.”

“Just saying!” Olive exclaims. “Rowie can be your son. You’re not too young.”

Rowie?That’s hands-down the cutest thing I’ve ever heard, but I’m too confused to fully appreciate it. Rowan lives with his high school coach’s family? Where is his actual family?

Trying to change the subject for Rowan’s benefit, I ask the two girls how old they are. Lena proudly says six, and Olive clams up, letting her little sister announce she’s nine.

“My nephew is six. He’s the coolest little dude in the world.”

“You should bring him over,” Xiamara suggests. “We grill in the back sometimes and invite friends. You can bring your whole family.”

“Thank you. That’s…” I feel my whole countenance dim as the realization hits that if Rowan’s pseudo-family knows he’s gay and we’re more than friends, I can’t bring my family around them. Erica thinks she can die happy now because I’ve got a newgirlfriend, and Ma is…Ma. I can’t even bring Mav around, because he’d parrot back anything he sees and hears to Erica and Ma. “Uh, that’s really nice, but it probably wouldn’t work out. There’s usually a lot going on, so…”

“That’s alright,” Xiamara says. “Just keep bringing yourself around.”

“I’lltry.” Not like that’s my decision to make, and when I look at Rowan, he’s stuck in stoic mode. Unreadable.

This is too much for him, I can tell, but these people seem amazing. At first I felt sorry about Rowan’s living situation, but now I see how good he has it. His chosen family seems to really care about him and want him to feel included. Matt even says they’re all planning on coming to the first match of the season to watch Rowan play.

After breakfast, I offer to help with the dishes, and Xiamara eagerly accepts the offer. She looks so happy that it’s hard not to smile when she flips up the sink water and asks, “How long have you two been seeing each other?”

I exhale a chuckle as my face goes hot. I’m overwhelmed and flustered, sweating despite the central cooling.

“It’s not… We’re just…” My mind goes back to the first time I kissed him, when I swore I’d be happy so long as we’resomething.I still don’t know what that something is, only that being here makes me feel more comfortable than ever about the idea of having a boyfriend. Not just having a boyfriend, but having Rowan as my boyfriend. “Since spring, I guess, but it started with him just wanting to help me get on the team and kinda evolved from there.”

Nodding, Xiamara starts on rinsing the dishes for the dishwasher. “The only really positive role models Rowan ever had in his life were his coaches. Matt coached him from when he was a kid, and now he’s part of our family. If Rowan is putting so much effort in to help you train, it’s because he cares about you. It’s not always all about soccer. Not even for Rowan.”

I glance back toward the family room, where Matt and Rowan have switched the TV channel to college basketball. Even in his semi-uncomfortable, just-rolled-out-of-bed state, Rowan makes my heart pump quicker with how stunning heis. Clearly, I’m very attracted to the male form, but there’s something about Rowan specifically that almost makes me feel lucky to be gay.

“It’s not just about soccer for me. Even when we first started training together, it wasn’t. I think it’s always been about him for me.”

I look back to Xiamara, and she’s grinning ear to ear, her eyes sparkling with something that looks a hell of a lot like pride.

18

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