Page 49 of Total Shutdown

Did I secretly hope he’d lend me his jacket?

Yes.

Am I pissed at myself for being so weak?

Also yes.

It smells like his bed, all Sawyer and fresh cologne. I’ve witnessed other women talk about “man smell” and how it drives them wild, although I never understood what they were talking about. That is, until I got too close to the Blades captain. And now I’m wearing his jacket, his initials stamped across my chest.

Standing at the rear of his truck, I focus on the zip, entirely too distracted by my heightened senses to realize part of the lining is caught, and that’s why it won’t budge.

“You need some help with that?” He points at where I’m struggling.

I haven’t looked him in the eye since we arrived at the Botanic Garden, and I’m all kinds of off my game. This is not my usual MO. Collins Mackenzie is self-assured and calm in most situations. The last time I can remember feeling like this was when Gretchen Roberts stole the SuperMini World All-Stars title from underneath me on the final turn of the final race.

“I got it.” I fuss, pulling on the zipper that just—won’t—fucking—zip.

“Here, let me help.”

The instant Sawyer’s warm, rough fingertips touch mine, I pull away, the back of my knees hitting the truck bumper.

“I said, I got it,” I bite out, pissed at myself for being so snappy when all he wants to do is help.

In a move I really wasn’t anticipating, he steps forward, hands finding mine once more.

I catch a softness in his green eyes, brows slightly raised in question. I don’t flinch or try to move away as he frees the zip and starts fastening the jacket, his hands over mine as they slowly ascend my chest.

Since the Botanic Garden has an event tonight, there are a few people around us, but I don’t concentrate on anything other than the feel of his skin on mine. I think that was what surprised me the most the night we hooked up—how my skin could vibrate with such intensity without the need for the usual toys I liked.

These past five weeks since I left his place in a hurry, I’ve been proactively suppressing—and avoiding—situations like this. Yet now, I get the feeling Sawyer isn’t going to back down so easily, and that thought catapults a shot of need in me that I can’t deny.

“Are you going to chase me down until you get what you want?” I whisper, my throat tight.

The zip was fastened a good few seconds ago, though Sawyer holds his hands over mine.

His eyes fall to my lips. “Is that what you want, Collins?”

My breathing is shallow and quick. “You can’t ask me impossible questions like that.”

He bites down on his plump bottom lip, and I’m unsure if he’s fighting the urge to kiss me or smile. “Now you know what it feels like.”

“What do you mean?”

His hands leave mine, finding the back of my thighs, lifting and perching me on the end of his tailgate. I want him to step between my legs and kiss me. Every single fiber in my body wants it. Even if I know it’s a really bad idea.

Sawyer’s eyelids fall shut, and he exhales deeply. “Because I feel like I’m in an impossible situation with us—I’m chasing you even if you don’t want me to.” He opens his eyes, nothing but honesty behind them. “When I asked you to come home with me a second time, it wasn’t purely so I could wrap you around me again. At the risk of repeating myself, all I want is your time and attention, all to myself. At first, it was a fascination with the pink-haired girl who had said I wasn’t her type. And now … now it’s a need, Collins. So, yeah, I’m going to chase you because I have no choice.”

I want to run my palms across the scruff of his jaw, pulling his face closer to mine.

“And what would you consider a successful catch?” I ask, ears throbbing with my pulse.

Sawyer takes the smallest step back, hands finding his pockets. He looks uncomfortable at my question, maybe because he doesn’t think I can cope with his potential response. “That’s enough questions for now. Come spend some time with me.”

* * *

Okay,so the Botanic Garden is stunning.

And incredibly romantic when lit up in this way. The trees twinkle with warmth, the lake glows red, and even some of the pathways are lit by dancing multicolored lights.

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