Page 23 of No Reservations

“I guess this is working as intended then, right?”

Something in his voice made me pause. I glanced away from the road for a moment to take in his profile. The tension in his face reminded me a lot of what I saw in the mirror every morning. I didn’t want to bring his usually upbeat personality down. I didn’t want to be the one that dimmed his light. “Check online to see if they posted the pics yet.”

Matthew shifted on the seat to pull a slim black phone case out of his pocket. He lifted it in my direction. “I took your phone.” He set it in the console and drew his own out next. “I thought you could use a break, but I guess the world doesn’t stop for the great Cole Gilliam.”

I growled, startling myself with a sound I’d never heard myself make before. My fingers tightened on the steering wheel. “I wish people would stop calling me that. I manage a pop band that will be yesterday’s news soon enough. I snap at limocompany reps and orchestrate security at high-priced hotels. I get Yair to do the important stuff while I make sure they don’t get in too much trouble with drugs or sex or…” A throbbing spike of pain shot from my temple, down my neck, all the way to knot somewhere in the middle of my back.

“I’m sorry.” Matthew’s voice sounded so small and unsure, nothing like his usual upbeat tone. His hands folded around his phone in his lap, and he stared out the front window. “I was… I was trying to keep professional distance.” He huffed out something almost like a laugh.

“I think we’re a little bit beyond that, don’t you?” The words came out harsh, tasting like salt and bile on my tongue. Instant regret swamped through me, almost distracting me from the tension that made my whole body ache.

“Yeah.” He sounded nothing like the Matthew I’d come to know. My Matty. “I’m—”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” I turned into the inn’s drive and navigated to the parking space closest to our cabin, put the SUV in park, pulled out the key, and turned toward him. “I’m sorry.” I put every ounce of apology and feeling into the simple words that I could. “I’m sorry for my flippant words. This whole thing turned into something I didn’t expect, and I am absolutelynotsorry about that.”

I ached to reach across the console and touch him, run my fingers over his broad jaw or into his tousled hair. I wanted to taste his lips against mine again, not with any pretense of practicing for our fake relationship. We sat and stared at each other and then, with a sigh, he climbed out of the car and began walking toward the cabin.

I followed and caught up to him a moment later. The silence filled with the soft sounds of wind through the branches overhead and the scuff of our shoes on the asphalt. Halfway toour cabin, his hand brushed against mine. A silvery zing of want flashed through me, and my gaze shot sideways to look at him.

Matthew smiled, a tiny tip of his plush lips, and reached across the gap between professionalism and desire, and laced his fingers with mine.

Chapter 13

Matthew

“Insert pole A13 into slot B,” I muttered as I tapped the laptop keys and tried to ignore my wayward thoughts about poles and slots and especially Cole. Being back in my little apartment after the long break at the Halcyon Inn felt strange somehow, but the strangeness couldn’t compete with the sense of loneliness every time I looked around or climbed into bed by myself at night.

I had to get the PX58a family tent manual done before flying out to Los Angeles to attend the last event with Cole. It would take place six days before our planned breakup, but I didn’t want to think about that. I typed another line in the instructionsbefore slumping back in my chair and running my fingers through my messy hair.

We hadn’t talked about that conversation while driving back from the flea market. We hadn’t given in to the desire that thrummed between us. We swam in the lake, went out for lunch, danced and grinded at the local gay bar, Revere’s, and returned to the cabin to sleep wrapped around each other.

The whole thing started as just another adventure, a distraction from my boring life and the threat of a week filled with nothing but relaxation and lazing around. When the first photos hit the internet of Cole and I eating lunch at the inn together, the whole fake relationship thing felt like a good idea. Now, everything had gotten confused.

I knew what love was. I knew how it felt to want someone so badly you couldn’t imagine ever wanting someone else. Santi had been everything to me once upon a time, but it had been many years since I lost him, and I never thought I’d be alone forever.

Liking Cole… wanting Cole, felt different than it had with Santi. I had been so young then, and the relationship was simple and pure. This thing with Cole was messed up in all sorts of weird ways. Even without the contract and the money involved, he was still a rich celebrity who lived in LA, and I was a simple guy who lived in a tiny apartment in a small town all the way on the other side of the country.

I grumbled and tried to refocus on the tent manual. “Snap the black connector (Part 16) to the end of A13 and turn it clockwise until tight.” My phone vibrated on the desk, and I saved the work file quickly before grabbing it.

Wes:Hey! You all ready for your trip to Hollywood?

Matthew:He doesn’t live in Hollywood. I have to finish work first.

Wes:Quit your job. Become Cole’s sugar baby!

Dee:Don’t be ridiculous, Wes.

Of course, the idea of becoming a kept man was ridiculous. I had enough stress seeing the three-thousand-dollar deposits after every event I attended with Cole. That wasn’t my style anyway. It’s not like I loved my job and had a passion for technical writing and marketing, but I definitely couldn’t sit around doing nothing all the time.

Matthew:It’s not like that. I don’t even want the money anymore.

I expected a quick text from Wes telling me I was nuts if I didn’t enjoy the money I earned from the fake relationship withtheCole Gilliam. Instead, the phone stayed silent for so long I picked it up and made sure it hadn’t lost its charge.

Dee:What do you want, Matthew?

Then it was my turn to let the silence stretch on too long. What did I want? The most surprising thing about the question was how easy it was to answer. I wanted Cole. I shoved a handthrough my hair and looked out the window at the apartment building across the narrow stretch of drying grass.

The whole thing felt impossible. I couldn’t actually have Cole. I was nobody. What did I have to offer him? The memory of waking up with him in my arms, snuggled together in the cabin’s comfortable bed, drifted into my mind. My leg thrown over his. My arms tight around his back. His head resting in the crook of my arm.I could get used to this.His half-asleep whisper stirred something to life inside me.

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