Page 54 of Doubts & Fears

Instead, I pulled up one of Pasha’s videos. Tears streamed down my face as I lay down and watched one of his dances on repeat. His movements always told a story, his feelings and emotions channeled behind his facial expressions.

Hints of the little boy I remembered remained. I experienced a range of emotions while watching him dance. Every ounce of his anger, sorrow, pain, rage, and joy were on display. The connection he conveyed in his movements reached through the screen, and I fell asleep thinking about my old life.

When I blinked awake a few hours later, I couldn’t get the memory of my childhood with Pasha out of my head. Watching him stirred up old feelings. I resented how my life had played out. Though I guess I should have been thankful that it didn’t have the ending it was supposed to.

But the unfairness of my childhood being ripped from me angered me in so many ways. I just wanted to have a normal life, but it didn’t seem like that was in the cards.

I got up, put on one of my more motivational playlists, and sang along with the tracks. I still had to get through dinner, and I needed a distraction.

Chapter 17

Nikolai

Another Round of Questions

“Ithink she was more relieved that Ivan doesn’t sleep with Alisha or Jenna.” I couldn’t help but poke fun at Alek, and his scowl was absolutely priceless.

I hadn’t seen him this alive in a long time. The years dealing with degenerates were taking a toll on my brother. But Kinsley had done something magical with him. He had no idea what to do with her, and that was entertaining to watch.

She surprised me today with the tests I threw her way. Gauging her was eye-opening and thrilling. Being one of the two playboys in the group, my feelings on women were simple. They were life, and life should be enjoyed to the fullest.

And that was what I intended to do with Kinsley. Enjoy the hell out of her—within reason, of course. Her submissive nature ticked every one of my boxes, including some I didn’t realize I had. The unconventional dynamic my brothers and I were creating with her was unique.

Having only had Kinsley in our home for a few days, it was astounding to me she was already so fluid with each of us. The differences in how she reacted to Alek, Ivan, and me made her stand out. An instinctual blending was taking place, or a filling in of something that had been missing in our lives for a long time.

“Mark my words, I’ll be her favorite,” Ivan said with a knowing grin.

“Careful, baby brother. Remember,I’mcalling the shots here. You’ll temper yourself,” Alek warned.

“No worries,bigbrother. I’ll absolutely let you pop that cherry. I’d rather she cry in ecstasy than from pain.” He grinned.

“All right, gentlemen, back to the important discussion. We’re in agreement, then? We gently push for additional answers regarding Owen Taylor?” I asked.

“Works for me. I’m all for giving someone else the chance to be the bad guy,” Alek said in a playful tone.

A knock sounded on the door, preventing any further discussion.

“Gentlemen, dinner is ready. Ms. Taylor is already in the dining room,” Gerald announced.

Her statement about training, while probably innocent, needed clarification. And her usage of the wordlimitshad me concerned. Something was off, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was thankful Marcel agreed it warranted asking for a deeper explanation too.

I was equally glad he insisted on being on the call. The minute we entered the room, we could tell she was on edge. She remained fairly reserved at dinner, keeping her mouth closed and her head down. The resulting silence was almost deafening.

I made a mental note. I’d need to address her eating habits. They were damn near nonexistent. Half the time, she picked at her food. Mostly, she pushed it around on her plate, as she was doing right now.

With how hard I knew Ivan was pushing her in self-defense training, she needed to eat more. Unfortunately, I needed to pick my battles, and since we had something scheduled already, I’d have to save that discussion for later.

As the night wore on, so did the silence. Without warning, Kinsley’s demeanor changed, and her eyes grew furious. What was surprising was how it was directed at me. I wondered if she was reflecting on our day and had something she now wanted to say.

“May I be excused, please? I’m done eating.”

“No, drawing room,” Alek answered without looking up.

She made a big show of letting us know she was not happy, and stormed down the hall. Everything in her body language screamed that cooperation wasn’t on her agenda. From the glare on her face to the way she crossed her arms, she actively chose defiance.

Would she ever learn?

Alek nodded at the empty chair by the fireplace. “For the last time, take a seat. Marcel has a few things he’d like to ask you.” He’d had to ask her three times.

---