Page 58 of Doubts & Fears

“Get under the covers. I’ll be back later.”

My lips found hers, and we kissed. I teased her lower lip with my teeth. When I pulled away, her shoulders hunched, and a weariness etched her features. A depth of misery and a maze of confusion stared back.

“Where are you going?” Her voice trembled.

“Work. Charles will be here if you need anything. And as much as I want to climb into bed with you, it wouldn’t be for the best.”

“I can go back to my room if you don’t…you shouldn’t have to…”

I gave her a look, and she went silent.

“But you’ll come back, right? I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Her eyes filled with tears.

“Yes. Let’s get you tucked in, okay?”

She climbed into my bed, looking tiny. I gently pulled the covers over her, ensuring she was snug. After kissing her, I went to the closet and pulled out a black shirt.

Walking toward the door, I turned to tell her to sleep well and watched as she pulled my T-shirt up to her nose. She reached her hand up and pulled my pillow close, hugging it.

The gesture, combined with her inhaling my scent, had me reeling with a gamut of emotions. Damn, what the hell was I supposed to do with her? She was undeniably beautiful and not even slightly aware of the effect she had on my brothers and me.

Chapter 18

Kinsley

Flashbacks

My breakdown in front of the guys was so unexpected. Of all the memories in my messed-up brain, that particular one was devastating, but my reaction still surprised me. It was crazy how much power it still held.

I’d never allowed myself to revisit it. Being dropped off at New Haven, though it was only for a short thirty minutes, had almost destroyed me. Owen’s reaction was equally matched.

I knew he’d never abandon me again. Not on purpose, anyway. His death wasn’t his fault. A drunk driver was responsible for that. Turning my thoughts to something other than that loss was all I could do.

Nik had inadvertently let me know what he and the others were going to be doing tonight. The first clue was the black shirt he put on, and the second was him telling me Charles would be here to watch me.

In my heart, I knew what would happen after too. It would involve Alisha, Jenna, and maybe Sarah by now. Which reminded me I should probably reach out to her tomorrow. The thought of Nik fucking Jenna made me uneasy.

Would he bring her back here to their playroom? I had to remind myself that my thoughts about him and Jenna weren’t rational or fair. We weren’t in a relationship of any kind. I truly had no claim to him or the others.

My mind drifted, and I allowed it to because the alternatives were to stew in my current situation of unwarranted jealousy or visit the traumatic drop-off at New Haven.

How I found myself in the current situation I was in, with three men who practiced the very lifestyle I vowed never to be a part of, was beyond me. Yet here I was, obediently lying in a man’s bed that I hardly knew, waiting for him to come home.

While Nik was undressing me, I could tell he was aroused, and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him. The thought both shocked and excited me. Part of our training when I was kept was in the male anatomy.

We’d seen pictures, knew where to touch a man, and how to please them in a variety of ways. I knew from films, books, and demonstrations. Some of the training included practicing proper mouth and hand placements with dildos.

However, we were kept pure, in a sense, untouched. We were trained in all manners of sexual practices. Mainly the hardcore things—the kind you run from. The types of acts that scar you in more ways than one.

Because let’s be honest, who purchased young girls if their end goal wasn’t systemic control through torture of some kind? By the end, we were under no illusion that our lives would be anything other than a living hell.

Part of the package being sold was that we would be trained. However, our own limits would be untested, as that would be up to whoever won us in the auction. Instead, we were forced to watch.

My eyes drifted closed, and I conjured up one of the memories I knew I could handle. One that wouldn’t have me screaming at any point. The last thing I wanted to do was alert them further to my issues. It was the time where we first met one another.

The man in the mask stood in front of us, his voice sharp and cold. “You are never to speak to another season.”

His tone confused me. I frowned, shifting on my feet. He wasn’t like my papa or even Pasha’s, he was mean. How were we going to live together and not talk? And why couldn’t we? More questions tumbled around inside my head, pressing against my tongue, hot and wanting to fall out in a rush.

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