Page 90 of Doubts & Fears

I took control. The nature of the beast, so to speak. I became dominant over her willingness to be submissive. Unable to stop myself, I pressed her. “Ms. Taylor.”

“Yes, Sir,” she once more responded.

Could I use it ethically to help her, to let her know she was safe to share without fear?What the hell was I thinking? Of course I couldn’t. I was conflicted, and the irony was not lost on me.

How the hell had I been chastising the guys for treating her like they were her Doms, and here I was, doing the same thing, but on a completely different level?

My gut twisted. They would not like my follow-up call one bit, especially Alek. I spoke firmly. “I want you to close your eyes and think about something that recently made you feel safe. Do you have it?”

“No, Sir,” she responded immediately, despair clear in her voice.

“Why? Have you not felt safe in the last twenty-four hours? If you tell me no, I’ll have to seriously reconsider what my friends are doing with you. Answer me,” I demanded.

“They make me feel safe plenty, Dr. Marcel. It’s just…”

“Just what? You promised to answer me truthfully. Now uphold your end of the pact, young lady.” I cringed at the sound of my voice.

“I have the memory pulled up, Sir.” Her voice was once again in control and firm. She was once more grounded.

“Tell me about it.”

“Last night, I was sleeping in Alek’s bed. He fell asleep and pulled me tightly into his arms. He likes to put his legs over mine. I think sometimes he thinks I’m going to run away. He’s quite possessive in how he holds me, Sir. I normally don’t like feeling confined like that, but it’s different with him. I like how he makes me feel safe.”

“Good, I want you to sit in that moment for the rest of today. In fact, anytime you feel unsafe, you need to pull up these kinds of memories. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Sir. I could try. Normally, I disappear, but I could try it your way. But, Sir, will you be angry at me if it doesn’t work?”

Her honesty and willing nature when being submissive were gut-wrenching. I went from unease to downright disgust with myself. I would need to consult a colleague on ways to proceed with her, especially given the path I had inadvertently begun.

“Sir?” she asked, seeking approval.

“I will never be angry with you, Ms. Taylor,” I soothed.

“Thank you. I promise I’ll try it your way,” she whispered.

“Today is Friday. I’d like to talk again on Tuesday.”

“Yes, Sir.” She sniffled.

“You did very well. Now, be honest with me, was talking to me so hard?”

“A little, but I like your voice. It’s calming, like Nik’s.”

“Speaking of Nik, I’m going to call him as well as Ivan and Alek. I won’t discuss what we talked about, but I’ll ask them to allow you space to feel. It’s important that you do that. I insist on it.”

“Yes, Sir. You promise, though, right? I’m not ready to talk about it with them.”

“I keep my promises, Ms. Taylor.”

“Thank you. I’ll talk to you on Tuesday.”

“Good night. Remember, you can call me anytime.”

I sat for several minutes, trying to come to terms with the session. Painstakingly, I made more notes and potential questions we needed to ask, given the initial session. It only then dawned on me I hadn’t touched on how she came to the knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle.

Being curious was one thing, but the levels at which she responded couldn’t be obtained by simply reading or asking another sub. Her actions spoke volumes, at least to me. In my opinion, she had to have been in some kind of dynamic at some point or received training. But by whom?

Alek would hate that idea. I fixed myself another drink and texted Nik.

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