Page 94 of Doubts & Fears

“May I be excused?” I asked halfway through dinner.

Without any hesitation, Alek nodded, which only confirmed that they needed some alone time too.

“We’ll pick up where we left off with your training tomorrow,” Ivan said, and I shuddered at his use of that word.

“Yes, Sir. I’ll be ready.”

Exhausted, I sought solace in the refuge of my room. After indulging in a long, hot bath, I dried off and then absentmindedly brushed my teeth, trying to stop the nervous butterflies. With it being Nik’s night, and knowing his rules, I couldn’t help but tremble as I slipped on my robe.

I padded to his room, and the flutter of anticipation increased with each step. Relief seeped through me as I found the room empty, and I approached his bed, removed the robe, and slipped under the covers. The soft, cool sheets embraced me, and I closed my eyes, wondering when he would join me. I was about to fall asleep when he snuck in. He made his way into the closet and changed, and I was startled to see him in all black once more.

“Nik?”

He moved closer, and warmth radiated from his presence, making me sigh. With a gentle touch, his fingers brushed against my cheek, the loving caresssending a shiver down my spine. A tender smile curved his lips as he reached out to move my hair back, exposing the curve of my shoulder.

“Where are you going?” I asked, barely above a whisper.

The lines on his forehead deepened, and the shift in his demeanor sent a ripple of unease through me. “Death Squad work. I’ll be back really late tonight. I’ll try not to wake you when I get home.”

I nodded, letting him know I heard, and tried to ignore the knot that had formed in my stomach. Then, I spoke Russian. “Vorona?”Crow?

“Yes, malyshka.” He looked at me lovingly.

“Pozhaluysta, vozvrashchaysya domoy, ko mne.” A tear fell down my cheek.Please come home to me.

With trembling fingers, I traced the intricate lines of his tattoo, each stroke a silent prayer for his safety and, by extension, Alek’s and Ivan’s as well. Tenderly, he leaned down, and his lips met mine in a searing kiss. The knowledge of their evening activities had my heart feeling burdened with the weight of it all.

“Vsegda.”Always.

Alek and Ivan silently entered the room, their tall, muscular frames dressed in black as well. Like shadows, they moved toward us. I sat up and hugged my knees tightly as trepidation filled the air.

Alek’s shoulders slumped as he put one foot in front of the other. It looked like something drained every ounce of energy from him, leaving him bone weary. He reached me, leaned down, and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

“If you need me after, I’ll be here for you, Reaper.”

“It’s Nik’s night. I’ll be okay.” A bit of uncertainty laced his voice, and I hated what nights like tonight did to him.

In a sudden move, Ivan pushed Alek aside, and his lips met mine in a tender, lingering kiss. The touch sent a rush of warmth through me that settled deep in my stomach. “I’ll come get you if it’s bad,” he murmured, his voice a soft breath against my ear.

I clung to his hand, not wanting to let him go, but eventually had to. Restlessness consumed me as I tossed and turned, my body resisting sleep. I had that sinking feeling and knew my nightmares were waiting. What I wouldn’t give for one of my sleeping pills tonight. I wondered if Dr. Marcel would write me another prescription.

The hours dragged on, and as much as I wanted to fight it, weariness crept in. Reluctantly, my eyes grew heavy, and sleep came for me. And right on cue, memories of my past materialized like ghosts dancing at the edges of my consciousness.

“Young lady, I’m so disappointed in you.”

I froze. I didn’t know what I could have done this time, but our instructor was upset with me once more. The foot I had been tracing circles on the ground with paused as I stood still and waited. It was almost recess, and I couldn’t wait to get outside, which wouldn’t happen if I was in trouble.

My heart beat frantically as I tried to think about what I’d written on the paper she collected. It was an essay on how to touch a man properly. I paid close attention. I knew I did. Did I spell something wrong?

Whenever a punishment was doled out, the man with a full mask was there to give it. I’d gotten very good at distinguishing his footsteps, and I froze as I heard them coming down the hall. He hated me. I held my breath as he stormed through the door, yanking me by the hair. It stung so badly that my eyes teared up, and he got in my face.

“How stupid can you possibly be?” he screamed before he slapped me. Then he shoved a piece of paper in front of my face, but I couldn’t see it through my tears. “What does this say, bitch?” He pushed it into my face, making the ink run.

“Sir?” I asked because I didn’t understand, which only further caused him to scream about how stupid I was.

He put it down on the desk and slammed my face into it, screaming, “The first thing I do is always the same. I pick up my pencil and write my name.”

It hit me then. I had done it again—I’d written the wrong name. He slammed my face into the desk once more, and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth as I bit my tongue the second time. Thankfully, I turned my face both times, or he would have broken my nose.

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