Page 27 of I Love Rock n Wine

“No, the fuck it isn’t. If that’s what you call music, dude, get the hell out of the business. It sounds, I don’t know, like shit.”

“Thanks, Kev, always glad you have my back.”

“I do man, that’s why I’m telling you that’s crap. What happened to all the awesome tunes and ideas you were putting out?”

I sighed as I sat back in the chair, leaning my head back to look at the ceiling.

“They’re gone.”

“Gone? All the ideas?”

“No, the ideas are there. But nothing I put with them works. It all sounds like shit,” I told him, waving my hand over thesoundboard. “I’ve played with three ideas since I got back last night, and each one sounds just as bad.”

“Huh,” he said, crossing his arms. “Why do you think that is?”

I lifted my head to glare at him. He didn’t have to say it, and neither did I.We were both well aware. After all, Kev was there for the first show, saw the circus that it was, and heard me bitch every day since.

“Shut up,” I growled, making him smirk. He leaned forward to look me in the eye.

“Listen to me well, man. I’ve known you forages. Been here for the highs and the lows. I’ve seen all kinds of women walkin and out of your life. Seen the damage they’ve done and the pain they’ve brought you.

“I’ve seen you jump from cunt to cunt after each breakup. Seen you go down the rabbit hole of self-loathing and self-blaming. What I haven’t seen is this.

“A man so bummed, so hurt, so pissed, that he hasn’t had a woman since the last one he fucked on a stage. Or a man that isn’t out drinking and having a good time. Rather, he’s holed up in his studio making shitty music.”

Man had a point. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to screw another cunt, I just didn’t need to. There was no drive. Sad as it may be, for the moment, my dick only wanted one woman.

How pathetic was that?

“Got a point?”

“She lied, sure. It hurt, sure. Was she fake?” He paused and I was waiting for the shoe to drop that he thought she was. “No, man, she wasn’t. She was as real as they come, and deep down, you know that. You lost your muse and have since the day this all blew up.

“I’m not saying forgiveness is there yet, but you might want to think about it. The other bitches from the past didn’t evendestroy you like this one has. Why do you think that is? Maybe because you fell for her. It’s love man, true love.”

Fuck.

He was right on that too. Taking away my zest for life was one thing. And as much as I wanted to blame all the shitty women in my life for taking my muse, they didn’t. They never were. Sure, they might have taken the passion. But it’s hard to take what they never had nor ever were.

Maybe that’s why this one was tearing me up so much more.

"You need out of this funk, let’s hit up BeeAnn’s.The gang is there.”

I sat down with the guys, grinning at the jokes they were cracking, mostly at my expense. But I wasn’t letting them get to me, I couldn’t. I was going to be tougher than that. Well, truthfully, I was pretty much ignoring them anyway. I kept thinking about what Kevin said.About loving her. It made sense, even if I didn’t want to admit it.

But loving her was going to cost me. Either my heart or my pride. Because I wasn’t all too sure I could fully give her up.Nor was I too sure I could overlook the lying. It was a tough spot to be in and one I needed to dwell on a little more.

"Karaoke night, Heath, you going up?” Kev asked, nudging me.

“Uh, no. Why in the world would you think I would? I know what’s on half of that playlist, thank you. I sing enough of my songs.”

“Excuse me,” a timid voice spoke as they walked to the middle of the small stage.“I can’t carry a tune to save my life, but I’d really like to sing this song. And if the man is here that wrote it, I hope he appreciates the words and the emotions it brings out.”

My eyes stayed glued to Tiffany as she stood there, mic in hand and eyes closed. The opening chords broke out of a song I wroteat the start of my career.Of finding someone who was your better half, of not seeing their worth, and then finally losing their love. It spoke of forgiveness when they came to their senses, seeing how lonely and unstable they were, and wanting the love again.

It was a damn good song. It was also one I actually wrote while in high school and pinned over a love lost there. I released it off my second album but never made it a single.

Finally, as the song ended and her eyes opened, she gave a watery smile and walked offstage.

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