Page 24 of Hard Candy Christmas

“I slept with her.”

“No shit? How was it?”

“Better than it was ten years ago, man. No one understood the love her and I had back then. No one understood our connection. When she left, it wasn’t just like she walked away. It wasn’t like she just turned her back.

“She literally took my heart with her and didn’t think twice about it. I would have gone to hell and back for her if she askedme to. I would have fought all her demons and helped her in any way I could have.

“So when she told me she was leaving, that she had to leave, I didn’t know how to take that. I didn’t know how to fight for this when I didn’t know what I was fighting. For the first time in years, she shut me out and I didn’t know how to take that.

“Quite frankly, I still don’t know how to take it because she still won’t open up about what happened then. However, I know that now, she still has my heart. I never got it back. I don’t even know if I want it back anymore. But I can’t love her, man. Loving her, being with her, it’s all impossible.”

“Chase, you might think we don’t understand what was going on, but we do. Tell me this, though, why is it impossible now? Why wouldn’t you fight for her now?”

“When we were young, I never thought she would have walked away. I thought it was her and I against the world, forever. She showed me that it wasn’t. She showed me that solo was the best way to go.

“I can’t help but wonder if she wouldn’t do it now. Belinda is a proud woman who doesn’t need anyone. Given that simple fact, who’s to say that she won’t hop on a train and leave again?”

“Who’s to say that she won’t just settle down right here with some other cowboy who could love her better than you ever did? I told you ten years ago that living your life on ‘what if’s’ was never something you should do. I told you to chase that woman, to have her help you understand where her mind was at.

“Instead, you stayed here, wallowing. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But you loved her then, and you love her now. I just don’t think I can stand a second time of you being as depressed as you were.”

“How can you be so sure she’s changed? That she would remain here?”

His brows came together in confusion, and it was then I had my answer. She had told him what she couldn’t tell me. Why? I knew I couldn’t demand him to tell me. He wouldn’t break her confidence like that anyway. But that didn’t mean I had to like it.

“Really? She told you?”

“You know it, I don’t have to answer it. She will tell you when it’s right. But I’m also telling you Chase, stop being scared. You were then too and look at where it got you. Don’t be afraid to jump off that ledge and into the arms of the very woman you love.”

He walked a little further away, letting me chew on that bit of advice.

I wanted to deny all I could about loving that woman. And maybe I was getting my heart and mind on the same page.

If you repeat it enough, it becomes true, right?

So, I can tell my heart that Belinda Carmichael is not the woman to love, and it’s true.

Yeah, I wasn’t buying that either. But nonetheless, I refused to be back in the same position as that night. I refuse to give her everything and get nothing back.

If that means that I have to lie to myself over and over, I will until I believe it. Because otherwise, I’m opening up myself to a world of pain that I’m just not sure I could survive a second time.

Chapter Thirteen

Belinda

“You’re awfully quiet.” I looked up at my mom, wanting to smile but I couldn’t. It had been two days since I talked to Chase, and I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind.

It would be best, I knew, if I pulled away. That us being a thing wasn’t something right now. If ever. Which I was doubting.

I knew him far better than he probably wanted me to. And I couldn’t fault him for his feelings. He wouldn’t want to get close because he would be too worried, and I had no way to tell him not to. So, to save face, to save my own heart from shattering, I knew it best to probably cut ties with all of Westover after Christmas.

I wouldn’t go back to Tahoe, and I wouldn’t be too far away, but this town just wasn’t going to work. There was no place in this city I could go to that wouldn’t remind me of him.

And there weren’t other men I could date around here; all were connected to Chase in some capacity.

“Thinking is all, ma. Did you need something?”

“I need to go into town for your grandma’s pills. Want to go with me?”

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