Page 88 of Silver Fox Daddies

20

MELISSA

It’s true what they say—you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone.

I never thought my life would turn out this way. I thought I’d graduate college, work my way up to being a vet, maybe marry a man and birth his child into the world in my early thirties.

I thought I would love one man, not three.

Because now, after upsetting them, I realize that Idolove them.

Only, I can’t tell them that now—I’ll probably never see them again. What I did was unforgivable. I saw it in their eyes. It’s not every day they let people into their lives, and I took advantage.

I sink further into the mattress, bringing yet another scoop of full-fat ice cream to my lips. I eat it mindlessly. It’s doing nothing to soothe the pain in my heart, but I keep going, hoping for a dopamine hit.

Starting to feel nauseous, I put the ice cream tub on the nightstand and lie back, hand resting at my lower abdomen.

Do I bring this child up alone?

Should I let them know about the baby? I shut my eyes, wincing. No. That will only complicate things.

Natasha is out, her bed unmade. I unlock my phone and see a text from her.

Natasha: Hey, you’re more than welcome to join me at Jez’s. We’re playing Ring of Fire. After that we’re planning on doing this drinking game which I am SHITTING myself for. We can pour water in yours if you’re not ready to tell people that you’re preggo. Invite is there…unless of course, you’re with your baby-daddies, in which case, enjoy!!

I could really do with some alcohol right now, but I can’t. Despite all of this, my maternal side has already kicked in. I can’t get rid of this baby, no matter what.

I’ll be the best single parent ever, better than Daddy was to me.

I force myself up to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Then, I collapse back into my bed and drown myself in the covers, desperate to forget.

But my mind won’t let me.

I see them in my sleep. All of their faces. They’re smiling. I feel good because I’m the one to break their hard exteriors. We’re in the tattoo parlor and I feel the way they kiss me again, our bodies molding into one. Nothing in the world matters.

Then, I hear the yells. I feel the terror in my chest from the attack, hiding away from two of Daddy’s men. Their eyes were dark with lust one second, then frightened the next. Ihear cracking bones. See Diesel shush me with cautious eyes, instructing me to remain under the bed.

It’s a dangerous world.

But it’smyworld.

It’s the world where my heart belongs.

I wake up in a cold sweat, gasping like I’ve been drowning.

I reach for my phone, chest contracting as I go to check my notifications. There’s nothing from them. I reply to Natasha’s message from earlier and see another from my manager at the library—she wants me to come in tomorrow for cover. I accept. I need to take my mind off them.

The next morning, I realize that there’s nothing I can do to distract my mind. Going to the library was the worst thing I could do. I hold my breath every time the door opens to reveal somebody that could potentially be them. I even catch sight of a leather jacket and almost dart off from behind the desk to fling my arms around the person wearing it, until I realize they’re a whole foot smaller than the bikers, and they look like they’re about sixty.

I try to focus on practice exam papers, but my mind can’t stop reeling with the thought of them. Why is it that three men twice my age have made me feel things I have never felt before in my life?

I should have told them the truth.

If I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here now, envious of my past self.

Damn, that girl was a lucky bitch.

I’d live it all over again on repeat. I’d get drunk, sext them, even endure the Reaper Sons attack again if it meant we were on good terms.

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