Page 16 of Second Shot

“I’ll have a pint of Guinness and a two shots of tequila,” I say. Fuck being careful. I need to be drunk to get through this night.

“You got it, handsome,” Crystal winks.

An hour goes by and the alcohol is starting to hit, loosening tongues, blurring edges. Foster’s gotten progressively louder with each drink, and Marlowe seems more animated than usual. Niko dances with some girls, grinding up on them like he’s going to fuck them right there on the dancefloor. But I don’t feel like dancing. I just want to sit and enjoy my buzz.

I’m finally starting to chill, when I get a text from Tam. My gut tenses immediately. I haven’t heard from him since I arrived in California. I’d called him three times after I’d arrived. Nothing. I’d texted him several times too, but he’d left me on read. My anxiety at seeing his name pop up on my phone can’t be a good sign. Shouldn’t I be happy to hear from him? Feeling uneasy, I read the text.

Tam: Long distance isn’t working. I want to break up.

Shock washes over me as I reread the words. I was expecting some pouty, guilt-trip text from Tam, not a breakup text. Sure, things with Tam haven’t been good for a long time, but I wasn’t ready to cut the cord. I still care about him. I always will. I still thought we had something worth at least trying to work on. I’m stunned this is how he wants to end things.

Ryan: Shouldn’t we talk about this?I haven’t heard from you since I left and that’s the first thing you say to me?

Tam: Don’t pretend you don’t want this.

I grit my teeth, trying to hide the stress I’m feeling from the other guys. I shift my position so that Jacobs can’t see my phone screen. It’s awkward as shit for this to be happening whileI’m out drinking with the team. Tam’s timing couldn’t have been worse. Across from me, I feel Kincaid’s gaze on me, but he’s polite enough to not ask any questions.

Ryan: Come on, Tam, let’s have a real conversation. Don’t do this over text. Can I call you?

Tam: No. Sorry, but my mind is made up. We both knew this was coming. I’m sick of waiting for you to pull the plug. This is too hard pretending everything is okay. One of us needed to do this and apparently you didn’t have the balls.

I count to ten before I respond. Losing my temper won’t make things better.

Ryan: You were fine with everything when I left. What changed?

Tam: You. You changed.

I let out a frustrated sigh and Jacobs glances at me. I ignore him.

Ryan: Please just let me call you.

Tam: There’s nothing to talk about. You left me behind like an old pair of shoes. Well, I’ve met someone who values me. He knows my worth.

Jealousy nips at me. Even if I felt like Tam and I were on our last legs, it’s still hard to picture him with someone else. I still love him and feelpossessive of him. Obviously our open relationship meant he had the right to see other guys, but it wasn’t like I wanted to hear the fucking details. I didn’t want to actually picture him with some other dude.

Ryan: So it’s not that I’ve changed. It’s that you’ve met someone.

Tam: You showed me how unserious you were when you left me behind. We should have broken up before you left. I was weak, but not anymore.

Ryan: Your new boyfriend gives you courage? How fucking sweet.

Tam: Look, you know this is for the best. I deserve to be happy.

My stomach churns as I reread his words. He does deserve to be happy. But I think it’s bullshit he’s doing this to me like this. He must have been seeing this guy before I left. There’s no way he just met someone and is already so in love he’s dumping me. And either way, he could have had the fucking decency to call me at least. Is he with that other guy right now? Is that why he doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone?

Ryan: I’m going to call you.

Tam: I won’t pick up, Ryan. Let’s have a clean break. Play hockey. That’s all you care about anyway. Fuck some other guys. Live your life and I’ll live mine.

Ryan: I still care about you.

Tam: I care about you too, but it’s not enough anymore.

Ryan: I’m sorry if I wasn’t enough, Tam. I’m sorry if I hurt you.

I stare at my phone watching the bubbles appear and disappear for a few moments. Then nothing.

Ryan: Tam?

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