Page 74 of Second Shot

The guy dangles the keys in front of Ryan’s face, grinning. “Can I drive us home?”

Us. Home. What the fuck? Are they living together?

“Your car is a dream to drive,” the guy continues. “Plus, I’m getting pretty good at driving on these California freeways.”

“Sure. You can drive.” Ryan opens the back of his SUV.

Casual acquaintances don’t pick people up at 3:00 a.m. Not to mention the fact that this guy is apparently staying with Ryan at his place and has been driving Ryan’s car while he was out of town. The thought of that twists in my stomachlike broken glass. It’s been six fucking days since we were together, and he’s already replaced me with this Millennial version of a Ken doll?

I walk to my car, bag over my shoulder, trying not to stare. Doing my best to look unaffected by Ryan and his blond pal. But inside, I’m dying. The amount of jealousy churning inside of me could power a small city for a month. Around me, my teammates are dispersing to their cars, heading home to their families and their normal lives. Meanwhile, I’m going home to an empty house.

I open my trunk, but out of the corner of my eye I’m stealing looks at Ryan and his mystery visitor. They’re now talking in low voices that don’t carry across the parking lot. The stranger says something that makes Ryan laugh, actually laugh, and the sound is like a knife between my ribs. I don’t think the fucker cracked a smile the entire trip, but now he’s all sunshine and roses?

“See you at practice tomorrow, Gabe.” Petrov’s voice cuts through my spiral.

“Oh, yeah. Drive safe,” I manage, closing my trunk harder than necessary.

I get in my car, still watching Ryan and his pal as they get into Ryan’s SUV. I’m literally shaking as adrenalin pumps through my veins. I’m in shock, if I’m honest. What I had with Ryan felt so intimate and special, I can’t believe he’s moved on this quickly. I told him I loved him. AllI’ve done for the last six days was obsess about Ryan and worry about Ryan, and apparently he’s been hanging out with this new guy?

The thought makes bile rise in my throat.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. Ryan Caldwell is handsome, successful, charismatic, of course he has options. Of course there are people lined up to comfort him, to make him feel better about the mess his life has become. People who didn’t spend months lying to him about their shared past. People who don’t come with the baggage of middle school trauma and media scandals.

People who aren’t me.

I watch as the red taillights of Ryan’s SUV disappear into the distance. Starting my car, I drive home to Ocean Cliff in a blur of streetlights and aching jealousy. By the time I pull into my driveway, the adrenaline from the shock of seeing Ryan with someone else has worn off, leaving behind a hollow pain that settles into my bones like winter cold.

Inside my house, where Ryan and I played chess, where we sat on the deck drinking our morning coffee, where I fell in love with the man I thought I knew, the silence is deafening. I’ve been fighting so hard to get him back on the team, defending him to anyone who’ll listen, that I’m emotionally exhausted. I’ve thought of little elseother than trying to help Ryan. Meanwhile, he’s been playing house with someone else.

That’s a punch to the gut I didn’t see coming.

I try to be mature about it. As I unpack and get ready for bed, I tell myself that maybe it’s better this way. Maybe Ryan deserves someone who doesn’t come with a decade and a half of baggage. Someone who can love him without the complication of shared trauma and buried secrets.

I deserve that too. Ryan did bully me, after all. Maybe that cold, self-serving side of him never really went away. If he could move on so easily from what we had, maybe it didn’t mean much to him in the first place. Maybe his remorse was just words, and deep down, he’s still the same selfish, uncaring guy I always believed he was.

Maybe all the sadness and vulnerability I thought I saw in Ryan’s pretty green eyes were just projections of what I wanted to see. Maybe I needed to believe there was something good beneath the surface so I could justify forgiving him. It’s possible the version of Ryan I fell in love with only ever existed in my imagination.

Or maybe there’s something broken in me, and I needed to forgive Ryan more than he ever needed my forgiveness.

Chapter Eighteen

Ryan

I dropped Tam off at the airport last night, and I’m now on my way to practice. It was time for Tam to get back to his own life. I’m still gutted at what transpired between Gabe and me, but I’m no longer comatose. My heart is broken, but I’m able to at least function again. Sort of. Tam’s visit helped a lot. Being able to talk to Tam about everything helped.

I was incredibly touched that he’d fly all the way to California just to support me. Not only did he help me with my broken heart, but we were able to heal some of our old wounds too. The trip was cathartic for both of us. I’ll always care about Tam, and I’m relieved we’ll still be part of each other’s lives.

However, as I pull into the Seadragon Center player parking lot for practice, my happy feelings about Tam and me evaporate and my anxiety returns. I have butterflies in my stomach at the thought of facing Gabe today. I lost my temper with him after the game against the Great Lakes Guardians. I shouldn’t have done that. He was right. We need to talk and work through some of our shit, or we’re never going to win thenext game. I don’t want to be the reason the Seadragon’s don’t have a shot at the Cup.

We’re playing the Nashville Nighthawks tomorrow on our turf. On paper, we’ve basically clinched, but if we lose and the standings shift, it could still go sideways. So no one’s taking anything for granted. I’m just hoping that Coach plays me again. After my horrible performance last game, when me and Gabe couldn’t sync up to save our lives, he might not.

Just as I’m getting out of my car, my phone rings. Glancing down, I’m surprised to see it’s Tam. Did he miss his flight or something? “Hello?”

“Hey, did you hear the press conference Gabe gave this morning?” Tam sounds excited.

“Press conference?” I repeat, confused. “What press conference?”

Tam groans. “You mean you didn’t listen to it?”

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