Page 76 of Second Shot

“Pfft, K-Dramas are boring compared to your love life.”

“Okay, I’m going to hangup now. Thanks for calling.”

“Hey, I know,” Tam says brightly. “Why don’t you video tape your talk with Gabe—”

I hang up.

I give Gabe a few minutes before heading inside myself. It’d be very awkward to have to walk next to him until I know what I’m going to say to him. When I get to the locker room, he’s already at his stall, getting into his gear. Some of the guys are talking to him, and he’s nodding. Niko slaps him on the back, smiling like he’s proud of Gabe.

“Hey,” I say quietly as I pass his stall.

He looks up, and for a second I see something vulnerable flash across his face. But then his expression goes carefully neutral.

“Caldwell,” he says with a polite nod.

Not Ryan. Caldwell. Like we’re still strangers.

Okay, I get it. It’s his turn to be pissed now. He tried hard to talk to me several times and I was an asshole to him. I put up a wall with him, and no matter how hard he tried to get through, I iced him out. It’s only fair he gets to return the favor. The truth is, I’m worried neither one of us can just forgive and forget. I’m scared all this negativity might have fundamentally changedthings between us. We had such an easy, trusting thing with each other. That trust has been damaged on both sides.

I still love Gabe. So much, it hurts. That hasn’t changed since the moment I first realized it was true. But he hurt me by withholding the truth, and I hurt him by not trusting him, and before that, by bullying him. It’s a strange thing to be in love with someone I once tormented. I’m not sure how to feel about it. I don’t even understand how he could possibly want to be with me.

While all of that’s true, I still can’t imagine losing Gabe. I haven’t been able to accept that outcome since this whole thing blew up in my face. A world without Gabe in it seems dull. Even bleak. But it’s possible we’ve damaged what we had too much to go back. My heart stutters at that thought, and I push it away. I can’t handle the idea. It’s too grim. To unthinkable.

I have to believe that if we care about each other enough, we can work through all these new feelings the past week has brought up. We probably both need some time to grapple with what has happened. Now that he’s finally spoken up for me, I feel open to him. Open to trying to be together again. If that’s what he still wants. I really hope it is.

Practice goes better than our last few sessions. We’re not magical together like we usedto be, but we’re functional. Professional. We hit our marks, execute the plays, look like teammates who can coexist on the same line. But there’s no joy in it. No connection beyond the mechanical requirements of the system. It’s kind of depressing, if I’m honest. I miss the magic Gabe and I had out on the ice.

After practice, I linger by my stall, hoping Gabe will give me an opening to talk. But he’s packed and gone before I can work up the courage to approach him directly.

Foster notices me staring dejectedly at Gabe’s empty stall.

“You gonna talk to Gabe or what?” he asks, drying his hair off with a towel.

“I was going to but he left.”

Shaking his head like he’s disappointed in me, Foster says, “Seriously, dude? You’re just going to give up? You should go after him.”

“He’d probably bite my head off,” I mutter.

“Woooow,” he says, drawing out the word. “I’m surprised. I didn’t think you were a coward, man.”

I press my lips together, face hot. “I can’t force him to talk to me. You saw how fast he got out of here. He did that because he doesn’t want to talk. He’s mad at me.”

Foster raises his brows. “Geez, didn’t take you for a pussy, Caldwell.”

I glare at him. “I’m no pussy.”

He laughs. “Sorry. I’m just surprised you’re not going after him. It’s obvious Gabe is crazy about you. He’s been a wreck since this all happened.”

I grit my teeth, guilt washing through me.

But before I can speak, Foster says, “Are you not interested in Gabe anymore because of your new guy?”

I frown. “My new guy?”

Foster laughs. “Yeah, you know, the dude who picked you up at the buttcrack of dawn the other day. After the Great Lakes game.”

That whole trip is a painful blur. I hadn’t thought much about Tam coming to get me. I just didn’t want to leave him without a car. He’d offered to drive me and pick me up, and I’d accepted. It was the most practical solution.

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