Page 49 of The Marriage Game

“Okay. How does all of that pertain to marriage and what have I brought Max and Jill up here to demonstrate? Well, I’d like for each of you to take the time to develop a similar practice in your marriage. If you are constantly looking for affirmation of your spouse’s love for you in their actions, they will inevitably fall short and leave you feeling unloved by them. After all, unlike God, humans are quite fallible. So while we know God is working all things for our good, we can’t necessarily say the same for our spouses. We’re inherently flawed beings, whose nature is to put ourselves first. But, just as we can always look to the cross in the midst of trying times to remind us of God’s love for us, I think that most couples have something they can point to in their marriage that assures them of their love for each other. For this activity, I want each of you to take some time and think about what that thing or event could be. It may be as simple as reflecting on a card they gave you on your birthday or it might be something very specific, like that time she took such good care of you when you were sick in bed or the way he always puts gas in your car for you in the winter. Keep in mind that it might be different for each spouse. Whatever it is, it should be recent. Something that happened in the last six months to a year.

“Maybe you’re thinking, Dorothy, my marriage is falling apart, I don’t have anything like that to think about.” She stares out into the crowd then over to me and Jill as she states, “I promise you, if the two of you are here, fighting for your marriage, thereis one. It might even be that: my spouse agrees to come to this retreat with me.

“Now, I know it may seem as if I’ve put Max and Jill on the spot, but luckily I already briefed them earlier on the task, so they should have already come up with an answer to the question.”

Wow, this woman is nuts. Briefed us earlier? I wonder if Luke knows the woman he booked to headline the conference is suffering from delusions.

Dorothy smiles amiably at us. “Well, are you two ready?”

“Um,” I begin uncertainly. She must read the confusion on my face because her brow furrows in concern. She covers the mic by her mouth and rotates her body away from the audience. “Why do you look so lost?” she asks us quietly. “You agreed to do this.”

“When exactly did we agree to this?” I whisper back.

Dorothy studies us for a beat then sighs in displeasure. “You didn’t read the letter did you?”

“Letter, what letter?” I hiss.

“The red envelope,” Jill exclaims quietly.

Oh, right.Thatletter. The one we definitely did not read.

“Yes, the red envelope,” Dorothy confirms with a shake of her head. “Well, I suppose this explains my surprise that you didn’t find me to tell me you didn’t want to do it. I told you in the letter that if you didn’t want to do it, all you had to do was find me or Mick and tell us as much. I honestly assumed you wouldn’t want to, but still wanted to give you the chance.” She sighs again. “Why on earth didn’t you read the letter?”

“Because,” Jill blurts wildly, “we were too busy making out.”

I shut my eyes. Really, Jill?

Dorothy’s eyebrows shoot up. “At the breakfast table? I’m sure I would’ve noticed a thing like that—even if you were tucked away in a corner.”

“Well,” Jill quickly course corrects, “that is, we rushed through breakfast so that we could, you know, go…make out.”

“I see.” Dorothy purses her lips. It’s pretty clear she’s not buying it. Probably because Jill squeaked the words ‘making out’ both times she said them. “And am I wrong to assume that had you read the letter as instructed, you would have declined to participate.”

I’m about to confirm that her assumption is correct but Jill beats me to answering.

“Actually,” she rushes out, squeezing my hand extra hard as she does so, “youarewrong…Max and I would never turn down an opportunity to share about our love for each other.” She looks my way for support. “Right, Maxxx…” she drags out my name like she’s searching for a way to make it longer, “ie pad,” she finishes. Her eyes pop wide as she realizes she’s just turned my name into a menstruation product. “I mean honey,” she says weakly. “Right, Max, honey?”

I force out a laugh, using all of my media training to appear at ease even though I’m now being put on the spot.

And just got called Maxi pad.

“Of course,” I say, because I really don’t have much of a choice. I can’t exactly storm off the stage now can I?

“Lovely,” Dorothy hums. “So you have your answers then?”

No.

“Yes,” Jill assures her. “Although I’ll have to think fast to narrow it down to only one symbol of Max’s love for me.” She looks adoringly at me. “There are just so many.”

“Perfect.” Dorothy smiles, then looks to me. “Are you ready, Max?”

I’m worried Jill’s nails are going to break through my skin, she’s clutching my hand so hard. “Ready,” I confirm, since I know that’s what Jill wants me to say. Anyway, I can come up with something. I’ll make it up if I have to.

Dorothy nods and turns back to our audience.

“Sorry,” she trills, “small snafu in communication but we’ve sorted it out, and my friends here are ready to share. Max, why don’t you go first.”

“Oh yeah, sure.” I rub my free hand nervously over my jeans. Jill looks expectantly over at me. It’s go time. “Well,” I begin, my mind whirring. Dorothy said we had to use something from the last six months, but when I search for meaningful memories from that time all I can remember is work. That doesn’t feel great, but now is not the time to focus on the implications of it. “You know,” I ad lib, hoping something semi-coherent comes out, “I’ve been working a lot these last few months. One of the founding partners at my law firm is retiring, and there’s been a higher demand on my time as a result. I also have a lot of responsibilities in my government role, so my time is at a premium right now.” I settle into what I’m saying, feeling like I’m at least headed onto a track that could make sense even if it’s not the most romantic of declarations. Plus, it’s pretty good for coming up with it on the fly. “So when I think about what I can look to when I need proof of Jill’s love for me I’d have to say that it’s the way she’s stepped up to not only support me but also to be there for our kids during such a hectic season. She’s been really selfless.” I look down at her, actually pretty proud of how good that sounded. I’m expecting her to look overcome with emotion, if only for the sake of playing Dorothy, but her expression is surprisingly hard. A chill of foreboding runs through me.

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