Page 64 of The Marriage Game

Which is probably why that’s exactly what I say when I finally open my mouth.

“Are you crazy?”

“What?” The lip wobble stops as Jill blinks up at me.

“I said, are you crazy?” I grab her by the waist, a little roughly in my worked up state, making Jill gasp in surprise. “Don’t you dare talk about my wife that way,” I growl, making her breath catch.

“W-what?” she stammers.

“I said, don’t you dare talk about my wife that way,” I repeat. “Like she’s not the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Like things as silly as the effects of aging could ever rob her of that title.”

A furrow appears along Jill’s brow and she starts shaking her head. “You don’t mean it, you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Jill,” I channel all of my exasperation into my words, trying to get through to her, “I am not just saying that!”

“Then why didn’t you flirt back when I came home in my cowgirl hat? Or when I was all dressed up for our date night?”

I think back to those two occasions. “Honestly, I was busy working, trying to get stuff done so I wouldn’t have to work on this trip. Then you said you bought me a cowboy hat to wear, and I was annoyed because I thought I would look ridiculous in a cowboy hat. I didn’t even realize you were trying to get a reaction out of me. And as for that dress—I absolutely did notice how gorgeous you looked, I just got distracted by all of the stuff about you wanting to be my campaign manager and how weird you were acting. I didn’t think you’d receive a compliment well.”

“Oh.” Jill seems to deflate as she huffs out a breath, “This is all so stupid. I know how insecure I must sound to you…it’s just so hard getting older as a woman. I mean, people can say looks don’t matter until they’re blue in the face, but that’s not the way society actually operates. Everyday we’re inundated with subliminal messages that looks absolutelydomatter. Which means as a woman, aging sometimes feels like the process of slowly losing our value. We’re judged on how we look by men and other women alike…so once we don’t look pretty anymore then what?” She shakes her head. “And I know that sounds so shallow…you must think I’m ridiculous. It’s not as if I don’t know these types of thought don’t align with God’s truth…but every year that goes by seems to bring with it more of a tendency to place my worth in my appearance.”

I blow out a breath. “It’s not stupid, Jill. In fact in a lot of ways I can relate. Only it’s not really my changing appearance that makes me feel like I’m losing my value—it’s the change in my worth as part of the workforce. I can’t run for senate again, so I’m losing that impressive part of my identity, and at the firm I’ll always be thought of as Dane Bernard’s son. Not someone who got hired on their own merit. Not to mention my retirement years are looming ever closer and then what? Do I even have a purpose if I’m not working? It’s hard not to spiral when I get started on that line of thought, to wonder if you’ll see me differently once I’m just a lawyer at my dad’s firm. You married me thinking I was going to do big things, so what happens now that I’m not doing much of anything?”

Jill’s eyes began to narrow as soon as I started speaking, and by the time I finish she’s full-on glaring at me.

“Now you’re the one who’s crazy!” she declares, poking me hard in the chest. “You don’t have to impress me with your career—I did not marry you because of your job or your aspirations. That’s crazy talk. Completely nuts! I married youbecause you’re kind and thoughtful.” She pokes me hard with each adjective. “I married you because you make me laugh and smile and because of your love for Jesus. I married you because of the way you value me as a person. You always made me feel seen and cared for; like I was a person worth going the extra mile for. Max, I married you because I loveyou, not your job!”

She pokes me one last time, this time with more force.

“Woah—ouch!” I say grabbing her hand before she can poke me again.

“Ouch is right!” she crows. “Think of me as a determined little woodpecker trying to excavate a tree to make its nest in, only I’m determined to make a home for my words in your stubborn head.”

“My head is up here,” I point out, tapping the side of it.

She arches her brow, then says saucily, “Well, I suppose I’d rather affect your heart anyway.”

I stare down at her, capturing her gaze with mine. “Done,” I rumble. “My heart has always been yours, Jill. Your mere existence affects it. Which is why it’s crazy for you to ever think that something like you aging could take away from the way I feel about you. Sure I have always loved to look at you, how could I not when you’re so gorgeous, but that has always been a lucky bonus to everything else I love about you. I love your drive and determination and the way you take care of the people in your life. I love your sense of humor and how smart you are. I love your laugh and the way your blue eyes set my heart racing.”

“Hey, that’s an appearance thing,” Jill protests weakly.

“Yes,” I admit, “but your eyes aren’t going to change, Jill. From now until you’re 80 or 100, they’ll still captivate me because when I look into them, I see all of the things I love about you.”

A soft smile dances across Jill’s pretty mouth. “That was really romantic,” she whispers.

“I wasn’t trying to be romantic,” I counter, “I was just being honest.”

Jill’s eyes flutter shut, as if she’s soaking in my words. “Oh, Max, I love you so much,” she murmurs as she opens them again. “I’m sorry things have been so hard between us lately.”

“I love you too, Jill,” I whisper back, letting my hands settle on the small of her back and pulling her against me. “And I’m sorry too. We’re going to get through this rough patch, though. I know it.”

Jill nods. “Yes, we are.” She cocks her head. “But we can’t let Dorothy know that.”

I shake my head with a chuckle. “Are you sure you want to start another ruse?”

“We arenotgoing to be in her book, Max,” she declares. “Anyway, I think it will be fun to mess with her a little, and we did say we wanted to use this hour of free time to do something fun.”

I grin. “True, although I had hoped for a different brand of fun after that kiss Tucker interrupted.”

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