Page 31 of Friends Rucked Up

“I didn’t say that’s what I thought you meant.” Although sex wasn’t what was on my mind, I’m wondering if he has romantic feelings for me.

He brushes his arm over his forehead. “There’s no going back if you make me open up, you know that?”

He looks in physical pain and it makes my stomach flip. He’s right—there’s no going back once we’ve had this conversation. For better or worse, things are going to change. We can’t avoid the truth forever, though.

“I’d just like to understand why you’ve been driving me crazy lately. You’re giving mixed signals.” Does he see me as only Harlan’s sister and I’ve been pushing his buttons, or does he see me as Saylor? My own person. Someone who’s his friend and maybe more.

“My heart and my head are in two different places. It’s hard to think straight.” He picks up pace. It’s probably not intentional, but I struggle to keep up.

“Okay. At least tell me what your head is saying.” I pant the words out.

“You’re Harlan’s big sister. I should respect the boundaries he set and treat you like family.” He waves his arms like this information is obvious.

“Do you always do what my brother asks?” I grab his hand to slow him down because I can’t keep up.

“No, but this is different. He feels very strongly about me not crossing the line with you.” He tugs at his hair.

I frown. Why is this conversation all about my brother? I’m the one who is here. “How does my brother even know how you feel about me?”

He scrubs a hand over his face. “I don’t think he does, but it’s something he’s always warned me about.”

“Okay, so your friendship with my brother is more important than what we could be?”

It’s bold of me to assume he wants a relationship with me. I’m not getting anywhere by asking questions, so I’m going to have to force some truths out of him. He can deny whatever I get wrong.

“Don’t be like that.”

Silence falls between us as we make our way from the streets into the greenery of the local park. I’m frustrated that he’s being vague, and I could physically shake him if it got me some answers.

“What does your heart say?” I need to be direct and completely understand where he stands.

He sighs and takes a few seconds before he speaks. “I’ve had a crush on you since I was about fifteen. It doesn’t matter how hard I’ve tried, it’s never gone away.”

He looks physical in pain again. This was hard for him to admit. My insides are doing somersault at his confession as the truth hangs between us.

“Do you want to know what I think?”

He swallows nervously. “Sure.”

“If you let the things you want pass you by, one day you’re going to wake up and realise it’s too late.” I stumble over a twig on the dirt track sending myself tumbling to the ground.

“Are you alright?” There he goes saving me again.

Pain shoots through my ankle and I clutch it with my hand. “Just give me a second.” Tears prick my eyes, and I blink them away.

He bends down to offer me help getting up, and I let him hoist me on to his shoulder while I support myself on my good leg. “Do you need me to carry you?”

“No. I’ll be okay.”

I hobble forward a few steps. The pain is bearable. I’m sure my ankle will be fine after I’ve walked it off a little. Instead of continuing our jog, we take a slower pace for a while.

“Give me a few days to figure my head out.”

I can’t hide my disappointment. If he feels so strongly for me, I want him to sing it from the rooftops, but I can give him what he wants. He’s been living with his secret for so long, what difference will a few days make. At least I know the truth now. He has feelings for me even if he’s not willing to do anything about it. I need to figure out how I feel about this news, too.

“Okay.”

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