Page 62 of Find Me in California

Liza squeezed my arm. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be out in a bit. I’ll catch you up on everything. Come along, Matty.”

He scowled at her retreat, then turned to me. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed.

“It’s okay,” I said, knowing full well it wasn’t. Liza was going to fight him on the divorce. She could be persuasive, and I worried Matty’s love for me wasn’t strong enough. She’d sway him to stay with her. He’d give in to her demands.

I was dying inside. It felt like the beginning of the end of something that barely had time to stretch its wings.

“Mags,” he pleaded, fearing what I’d do, where I’d go.

I told him that I’d be okay. I was going to wash up and go to the nursery in the afternoon, and we could talk later.

“Don’t. Not yet. I’ll come see you when I’m done. She won’t stay long.”

But I knew Liza. She hadn’t signed the papers yet for a reason.

Numb, I stumbled to the studio, neglecting to clean the mess I’d left on the patio. I shouldn’t have stuck around these past months. I should have left the moment I’d heard Liza had left. Yes, I would have lost my job, my home, and our friendship. But now, I feared I’d lose the man I loved too.

I knew I couldn’t stay and watch them work it out, not when Matty was never mine in the first place. I dragged my suitcases from under the bed and got as far as unzipping them before I burst into sobs. Where could I go? Not home. I couldn’t go back without something to show for what I’ve accomplished, something to convince my parents I’m destined to be more than a housewife and to please, please love and accept me for me. And I certainly won’t return to the commune. That life isn’t for me. I don’t know how long I was crying when a knock came on the door.

“Magnolia, are you in there?”

My gaze whipped wildly around the room. I couldn’t let Liza see me in that state. She’d want to know why, and I feared I couldn’t hide my love for her husband from her.

“Magnolia, it’s me. Open up.” She banged on the door.

I desperately dried my face, choking on a loud sob, and the door flew open. Liza rushed to my side. “Darling, goodness, are you all right? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

I shook my head, sobbed harder.

“Come here. Sit down.” Liza tugged me to a chair and nudged my shoulders until I sat. I heard running water, and a glass appeared before me. “Drink this.”

I sipped the water and tried to get myself under control. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I babbled.

“Whatever for?” She kneeled before me and rested her hands on my knees.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t bear for her to hate me like my parents do, not when she’s been so generous to me.

“Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll work itself out.” She patted my knee. “If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I left you so suddenly and never called you. You must have been worried about me. But fear not, I’m good. I’m more than good. Yes, I was shocked Matty found out about Adam and confronted me. Yes, it was wrong of me. But it’s not like he’s been a saint either.”

I stared at the water glass in my lap.

“You remember that day we met, how upset I was? I’d just learned Matty had slept with his costar. Again, mind you.”

The water I’d drunk wanted to come back up.

“Listen to me going off. I’m so happy to see you. You’re still here. I thought for sure you would have left. I’ve missed you terribly. And wow, Magnolia. You are a wonder.” She walked to the window. “What magic did you work over my garden? It’s November and it’s still beautiful. It’s in better shape than my marriage.” She laughed, and a flush of shame crawled up my neck.

“So, you’re staying married? Matty’s forgiven you?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but yes, we’re still married. For now.”

“I’m happy for you.” I felt sick inside.

“I was hoping you would be because I have the best news.” She rushed back to my side and pulled me up from the chair. “Well,wehave the best news, Matty and me.”

Dread sloshed with the water in my stomach. I was too afraid to ask.

“I’m pregnant!” She squealed, a very un-Liza-like noise, and hugged me. “Can you believe it? You can hardly tell, but I’m already five months along.” She grabbed my hands and stepped back so we could both look at her belly’s slight protrusion.

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