Page 84 of Find Me in California

“All right.” Julia rubs her palms over her thighs and thinks of Mama Rose’s life, everything she’s enjoyed, everyone she’s loved. All the things she’s forgotten. Melancholy is a heavy blanket that bows her back. “Alzheimer’s is horrible. It steals your life while you’re still living.”

“I’m sorry.” Matt tucks a curl that escaped her messy bun behind her ear. Her skin warms at the contact. Her heart flutters at the kindness and concern she feels behind the gesture.

“When she started forgetting things, I’d picture those fragments or bits of memories as books disappearing off a library shelf. Or these shelves here in this room.” She waves a hand at the bookcases buttressing the fireplace. “The shelves are slowly emptying, but the books aren’t necessarily gone.”

“You want to believe her memories have been checked out, like library books?”

Julia’s eyes widen. She clasps both his hands. “Exactly. I’ve read up on the disease, about how the brain cells die off, severing neurons so memories can’t be retrieved, and then enough cells die that the memories themselves disappear. But I wonder if they’re truly gone.

“Let me explain,” she says at his bewildered expression. She scoots closer to him, her hands gesturing as she talks. “Our brains run on energy. Memories are nothing but electrical impulses. Energy can’t be created or destroyed. But it can transform. This will sound far-fetched, but honestly, it’s helped me cope with what’s going on with Mama Rose. It’s too difficult for me to watch her lose a life’s worth of memories. To think that they’re gone forever. But what if when we die, our memories don’t die with us—they’re just released into the universe, where they manifest in some other form? Then there are people like Mama Rose with Alzheimer’s. What if her memories aren’t disappearing? What if they’re being released to the universebeforeshe dies?”

“And manifesting elsewhere?”

“Like the motel you were staying at.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Matt knocks his knee against hers and gives her a warm smile.

Julia shrugs. “It’s just fanciful thinking.”

“I like your fanciful thinking.”

Matt’s eyes meet hers right before they drop to her mouth, and Julia feels the heat of his gaze to the center of her body. She has the urge to kiss him. He must feel the same because she swears the inches between them are decreasing. How easy it would be to close the distance. Her hand starts to move to his chest.

Matt’s phone rings, jarring them out of the spell they’ve fallen under. He glances down at his thigh, where the phone is tucked inside a pocket. He digs it out and looks at the screen. “It’s Dave. I have to take this.”

“Of course.” She blinks, leaning back. “I’ll just ...” She stands and gestures toward the kitchen. “I’ll heat up our food.”

He gives her a brief nod and heads for the front door. “Dave, hey,” he answers. The door quietly shuts behind him.

CHAPTER 40

MATT

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for hours.” Dave isn’t happy.

“I’m sorry. No excuse. I—things have been weird.” Matt steps off the porch. Long, purposeful strides take him to the sidewalk.

“I knew this shit with your grandmother would get to you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” For the moment. No telling how he’ll feel after he reads Elizabeth’s letter. He walks to the street corner and turns around, retracks his steps. “I made it to Pasadena. She had a stroke and passed a few hours ago.”

“Matt. I’m sorry.” He pauses. “How are you holding up?”

“Okay,” he manages without elaborating. He should feel sad, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t miss her either. If he feels anything, it’s frustration and anger. He expected to feel better after sitting with his grandmother and getting his thoughts off his chest, but that was before Julia told him about Adam.

“How’s everything on your end? Did you get the photos off to Ford?” Matt had powered through a batch on the plane and uploaded them with a note for Dave to finish the rest.

“That’s why I’ve been calling. They loved them. They went with one you edited and two I did.”

Pride floods Matt. “Told you that you had it in you.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty pumped about it. So, what’s your plan? Are you flying to the race from there? We’re supposed to leave tomorrow.”

The instant Dave asks, Matt knows he’s not going.

“I’m not shooting the race.”

“Excuse me?”

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