Page 97 of Find Me in California

She cried most of the night, but it seems she’s not done. Tears spill over her cheeks.

“Jules.” Matt opens his arms, and that’s all the invitation she needs. She steps into his embrace. He holds her as she sobs, murmuring incoherently, and soon enough, the well dries. For now.

She steps back and wipes her face. Matt’s arms fall to his sides. “You’ll be okay.”

She nods. “I know. I will.” She sniffles. “Whyareyou still here? I mean, I’m glad you are. I’m just surprised is all.”

He looks around. “I was going to leave. I couldn’t, not while you’re feeling like this. I—How do I say this?” He glances at the ceiling, thinking. “Nobody helped me get through the loss of my parents. My mom wasn’t any help after my dad died, and, well, you know what happened after she died. I don’t know if you have someone, but I wanted to be here when you got home. I can stay. If you want me to.”

He wants to be enough for her.

Julia’s heart expands in her chest.

“What happened to the dickhead on the phone a few days ago?” she teases.

“I know, right?” He chuckles. Then his expression turns serious. “He met someone who helped him realize not acknowledging his grief isn’t exactly healthy. He doesn’t want to hide from it anymore.”

He’s making her ache, and he’s making her fall for him.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“You regret last night?”

There is much she regrets about last night, things that were out of her control. Namely, Mama Rose passing and Julia not being at her side when she had. But Mama Rose dying was inevitable. She’s been preparing for it for a long time. Still, it doesn’t make the loss hurt any less.

But she definitely doesn’t regret what happened between her and Matt. What, she hopes,ishappening.

She shakes her head. “No. No regrets. I wanted that. I think I needed it. In fact, I know I did. We both did.”

“We did.”

“So thank you.”

He touches her hair again. “You’re welcome.”

They share a smile.

“I realized something last night,” he says after a beat. “It’s why I ran off to the bathroom.”

“I thought you were thinking about your mom.”

“I was, indirectly. And I thought on it more before I crashed on the couch. I realized I’ve been so angry about everything that has to do with my parents’ deaths, my mom’s especially, that I left no room to love. I want there to be love in my life. I want to feel love again.”

“I want that for you too.” She also wants it for herself. Hopes for it. Julia might not have grown up with parents, but she had Mama Rose. And Mama Rose showered her with love.

“That’s the other reason why I waited for you to come home, so I could tell you that. That’s why you found me here. I left Florida and I left California. I’m always leaving. I don’t want to leave anymore. I don’t want to leave you. But first, I have to go back.”

“What do you mean?” She swallows nervously at the thought of him going so soon after she lost Mama Rose.

“After my parents died, I went a little insane. I don’t think I’ve ever come back from that, but it’s time that I do.”

“Are you saying sometimes we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves?”

“Exactly. I have to go back to where it all started. If I want to move forward, I have to go back to Florida.”

“Maybe my grandmotherwasmaking sense when she spoke to you.”

He looks thunderstruck. “I didn’t make that connection. She couldn’t have been there with me,” he says, alluding to Julia’s fanciful thinking about memories and where they go.

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