Page 48 of Waiting for Redemption

He saw you.She mouths.

“Ruby, please–”

“I can’t, Tank. I… I can’t. You have to understand that. Please.” She sobs, shaking her head as she grips Hendrix tighter. Just when I think I have no heart left to break, it’s ripped from my chest completely.

“It’s not just me I’m thinking about here, it’s Hendrix’s too. This isn’t the first incident you’ve had like this, but you’re starting to lose more and more control over the situation. I think you need to talk to someone about this, someone who can help you beyouagain.”

“Honey, please…” I choke out, unable to see clearly through the tears blurring my vision.

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is. Can’t you see how this is killing me?” she whispers, choking back her sobs. I nod, silently and resistantly agreeing to go. I take one last look at her before walking out the door, not knowing what will happen the next time I see her. OrwhenI’ll see her next. My whole body feels numb, my mind is unable to stop the night from playing on repeat.

I don’t remember how I got home from Ruby’s house—but here I sit. In the darkness of my empty apartment. Contemplating what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.

“Someone who can help you beyouagain...”

The fucked up part about it is, thisiswho I am. Outside of the good Ruby has always been able to bring out in me,thisisme.

I knew I would ruin this.

Fuck it, maybe I will finally try to go back to the Marines. They don’t know how fucked in the head I am so maybe I could mask it and go back. I can just disappear from Ruby’s life without hurting her any worse, and make myself useful in the only way I know how.

I knew trying to be part of her life would only end badly, but I selfishly went there anyways, and in onefuckingnight, I’ve ruined everything. I scared her, I scared Hendrix, Ihurt herand I lost them both.

I hate myself for hurting her.

Just as I am about to pick up my phone to reach out about my going back, the voice of the news reporter on the TV breaks through even my loudest thoughts.

“Marine special forces underwent an enemy ambush while trying to eliminate a terrorist threat. As of now, there has been one death recorded while multiple other team members were wounded during the mission, as we have been informed by the state’s officials.”

I can feel the blood drain from my face completely as the voice echoes in my mind.

It can’t be them.

Please don’t let it be them.

CHAPTER18

RUBY

I was sosure by the way things were looking that Tank and I would be officiallysomethingbefore he left the house tonight. The way he so comfortably fell into place here, the chemistry, the way his touch feels as though it’s lighting my entire body on fire. I’ve wanted him for longer than I care to admit, but like every other time in my life when I thought things were going one way, they go rogue and I’m left hurt and confused. When I noticed Tank grabbing the pan withbare handsI couldn’t form a sentence fast enough to warn him or remind him to grab the pot holders. He grabs the 350-degree casserole dish from the stovetop before the words ever leave my lips. He notices a moment later and yells out in pain.

“Fuck!”

The dish falls to the floor and shatters everywhere, a piece of glass flying past my leg and leaving a small cut in its wake.

“Shit!” I yell, shocked by the pain. As soon as I’m able to check my cut and see that it’s not very deep, I rest my hand on Tank’s shoulder to see if he’s okay, but his eyes are glazed over and it’s like he’s looking right through me.

“Hey, are you–” In one swift movement, he has me pinned to the wall with his forearm resting on my throat.

“Tank… Tank, stop. What are you doing?” I struggle to get the words out as the pressure of his arm keeps my voice at a whisper. I push against his arm, but it’s no use. He’s three times my size and my strength is no match for him.

When I look into his eyes, I can see that Tank isn’t really here. Wherever his mind is right now, is someplace dangerous. I know he’s been going through some things—spacing out, not knowing where he is, angry outbursts, butthisis a level I never knew he was capable of reaching. I squeeze my eyes shut and for a brief moment, I’m no longer here either.

“You fucking bitch. You never listen, do you? I thought I told you to take care of this! I’m going to be generous and give you one more chance to make this right. If you won’t, you leave me no choice but to do something about it myself.” His hand releases my throat and I gasp for air between my sobs.

“You don’t mean that. You can’t mean that.” I’m grasping at straws trying to make sense of what he’s saying.

“I’ll give you one last chance to take care of this, or I’ll do it myself.”

---