Page 7 of Waiting for Redemption

“Is that so? Well, those babies sure are lucky to have you.”

He suddenly throws his arm around my neck and pulls my face down to his, planting a kiss on my cheek. “I love you, Mommy.” He goes on eating his dinner, not knowing just how much little moments like this mean to me.

“I love you, too, Hen.” I kiss the top of his head and we scarf down the rest of our food in silence. After giving him a bath and taking a shower myself, we snuggle up in my bed and play a couple of rounds of Go-Fish before turning on Spider-Man. We only watch about twenty minutes worth before he passes out and begins snoring beside me. Most nights I take him to his own room to sleep, because I think webothsleep better when we have room to spread out. But tonight I let him stay with me, I snuggle up to him and brush his dark brown hair to the side before drifting off as well.

* * *

“Park day. Heck yeah. Come on Mom!” Hendrix sings from the doorway with his monster truck in hand.

“I’m coming dude, chill out.” I tickle his sides as I bend down to put my shoes on.

“This is going to be so much fun. I hope they didn’t move the big dirt so my monster truck can go really high!” He swooshes his hand above his head, watching it in slow motion before it comes crashing down.

“Well, let’s go find out. Grab your shoes.” I pinch his cheeks, glancing down at his sock-covered feet.

“Oh, right.” He slides his boots on with a stomp and smiles. “Ready!”

* * *

Thank God it’s not crowded today.

Listen, I’m as polite as one can be to other moms when they’re here, but sometimes I just want to watch my kid play in the dirt and not pretend like I’m going to set up a play date between Hendrix and a child who thinks it’s funny to throw rocks at squirrels. There’s one other dad here, but he’s playing with his son on the other side of the field, so I’m enjoying the peace and quiet on my empty park bench.

I often wonder if Hendrix notices the lack of male presence in his home life, and if it bothers him. He’s used to being around Max and Tucker, but there’s a big difference between that and having a father who’s present in your everyday life. It’s been just me and him since day one and although I know it’s for the best, I still hate feeling like he’s missing out on something major. Not having a father figure, a role model that he can look up to and thinkI wanna be like him one day, has to be hard on a little boy, right?

Even if his biological dadwasin the picture, I would pray daily that he wouldneverwant to end up like him. I close my eyes, trying to take a deep breath and let go of all the suffocating feelings I get when my mind takes me down this path. Just as I do, I hear a loud kick of a soccer ball across the park followed by,

“Heads up!” My eyes shoot open as the ball flies past my head, hitting the stone wall that lines the bike path behind me. The dad mouthssorryas the little boy runs in my direction to retrieve the ball. I take the opportunity to stand up and grab it for them before he makes it too far.

“Back at ya.” I glance at the runner who’s taking a break on the bench near mine, ensuring my yell doesn't alarm them before throwing the ball as hard as I can back to the little boy. I watch as they start their game back up, keeping my eyes on them as I start walking back to my park bench, but instead of the short trip to my seat, I make a more abrupt one to the ground as a runner comes crashing into me.

“Shit. I am so sorry. Are you okay?” I try to regain my bearings, as I take the hand being offered to me.

“Yeah, I think so.” I stand up, brushing some loose gravel from my jeans as I check myself for scrapes—which I surprisingly don’t have. I may have a new rip in my favorite black jeans, but that’s about the only damage done.

“I should have been paying more attention.” When I finally look up, I’m shocked by who I see.

“Tank?” I do nothing to hide the surprise in my tone, but it’s less about him being here and more about the fact that I think this is the most I have ever heard him speak to me at once since his first day at the bar.

“Yeah?” he says, drawing his brows together as he looks at me more closely. “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head?”

“No, I just… I’m surprised to see you here I guess.” I cross my arms over my chest, feeling slightly embarrassed by how nervous I am around him.

“Thisisa public park, isn’t it?” he teases. Or at least Ithinkhe’s teasing, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anything but a serious tone come from him.

“Yes.” I roll my eyes, giving him a playful attitude. Next thing I know a tiny blur comes running up and starts kicking Tank in the shins.

“Stay away from my mom, dirt ball,” Hendrix yells, as I quickly pull him back towards me.

“Hendrix, stop, what are you doing?” I ask, unsure where this new aggression is coming from.

“That man pushed you down!” he yells again, flailing his arms and feet as I pick him up off the ground.

Oh,that.

“It was just an accident, Hendrix, look at me.” He stops kicking and hesitantly looks back at me through his long brown hair, as I give him a reassuring smile to help calm him down. “Check me out, see—” I say, planting his feet back on the ground as I start moving my arms around to show him I’m not hurt. “I’m okay. Really. This is actually a friend of Mommy’s.” He holds my cheeks in his dirt-covered hands, looks over my face, and kisses my nose before cutting his gaze back over at Tank like he’s mentally adding him to his shit list. Tank gives Hendrix a friendly nod but Hendrix ignores him and looks up at me.

“Can I go back to my dirt now?” Hendrix asks.

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