Page 79 of Waiting for Redemption

“Well, you’ve met Mav already,” he says, making me nod in agreement.

“Right. Very briefly, but he seems great.”

“He is.” He laughs. “While I was in therapy I hung out alotmore with Max and Tuck. They helped keep me accountable and I really needed that, especially in the beginning. We’d hang at Max’s a lot, or we would go to the gym, or the range and I found myself gravitating towards Riley more often than not, and she started doing the same with me. Which is weird because that dog and Max are like kindred spirits or something. Anyways, Max made the suggestion I look into getting a dog of my own, suggesting the same breed as Riley, and when we found Maverick we clicked instantly.”

“Is he good with kids?” I know he’s been around Hendrix once already, but their interaction was brief so I feel the need to ask.

“Do you honestly think I would get a dog that couldn’t be around Hendrix?” He smiles at me, making my heart lurch in my chest.Of course not. “I think you and Hendrix will both fall in love with him. He goes with me almost everywhere, and he especially loves the days I volunteer atThe Veterans Center. He gets all sorts of attention and just eats it up.”

“Oh, you’ve been volunteering?”

“Yep. There’s a living center that caters to the specific needs of veterans. I go as much as I can during the week. It really helps put things in perspective ya know? Plus I get to serve those who served our country a lot longer and a lot harder than I did. They’re full of good stories and a really great outlook on life—most of the time. I’ve tried surrounding myself with people who understand me, and what I’ve gone through, and are supportive. It makes more of a difference than I realized.”

“Do you think I’ll be one of those people? That understands you and supports you?” I drop my gaze when I ask, afraid we’ve lost too much time and that maybe I won’t know him as well as I did orthoughtI did.

“Honey, you understood me in ways I didn’t even understandmyselfbefore all of this happened. I have no doubt in my mind you’re still one of them because you’re my missing puzzle piece—the only thing that’s kept me from feeling complete until now.” He threads his fingers through my hair, pulling me in to kiss me in a way that feels full of promise.

We stay up for hours talking about all the things we’ve missed over these last six months. He tells me about his therapist and the ways she’s helped him to find closure, forgiveness, and healing. The coping mechanisms he uses when he gets angry and how the flashbacks and blackouts have subsided only to the occasional nightmare.

He fills me in on all the times he followed me aroundJoe Goldbergstyle just because he missed me, but was under the impression I wasn’t ready to see him yet. The way my eyes begin to water when he tells me about the physical therapy he’s been in to strengthen his back seems to bring out his emotions as well. He laughs as he swipes a tear away, looking up at me almost bashfully as he continues.

“What about you, Honey? What’d I miss while I was away?” He squeezes my thigh, his thumb caressing the inside of my thigh to the point I want to request we pick this conversation up later.

“Well, you really didn’t miss much. A couple of lost teeth for Hendrix, he started soccer—which you actually knew about—Marco finally learned how to make a Gimlet, and… yeah, that’s about it.”

“Whoa, hold on. If Marco learned how to make a gimlet, I fear that the end of the world is coming. It’s only been like, what, eight years?” he teases, leaning against the headboard.

“Stranger things have happened.” I yawn, as I feel exhaustion creeping over me.

“Name one,” he argues, causing me to hold my left hand up, shaking my ring finger.

“Can’t compare an anomaly to something that was meant to be, Honey.” He winks at me, causing heat to rush to my cheeks.

I look down at my ring and study it closely for the first time since he slid it onto my finger. The band is black gold covered with small diamonds, with a pear-shaped center made of a double halo of diamonds and an amethyst in the center. My breath catches in my throat when I realize how much detail is in this ring. It isn’t some bubble gum machine ring or something he picked up last minute. The purple stone in the center is a dead giveaway of that. When I look back up his eyes are already on me, watching as I process why he would put so much thought into this,howhe could have when we had so little time to prepare for today.

“Iwantto be your husband, Ruby. I know that might be hard for you to understand right now given the circumstances of how we got here. But I’m choosing to see it as an opportunity to really give us a chance—is thereanyway I can convince you to do the same?” he pleads, having no idea just how much I want that too. How I want to dive in head first and hope for the best. But the tiniest hesitation living in the back of my mind still demands to be the loudest voice when it comes down to it.

Because while I wish we could stay in this moment forever, tomorrow is going to come, the ghosts of my past will still be there to haunt me—and I don’t know how much he’ll want to stay when he’s met face to face with some of them.

“I want to say yes, but… there’s still so much you don’t know about my past. Things I wish I could take back, things that I’m not proud of…” My emotions get the better of me as I think of my perfect baby boy. “Things that brought me so much hurt, but ultimately gave me Hendrix and I just don’t want you running scared if they get dragged out,” I admit, toying with the sash on my robe to avoid meeting his gaze.

“Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway,” he says the statement like a memorized quote, causing my gaze to narrow on him. “Tell me everything now, Honey. No more skeletons in the closet. We’re going to bury them properly once and for all.” I shake my head in disagreement as he tilts my chin up to look at him. “Let me prove to you that I’ll still be here—by your side—even if everything else falls apart.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” The words fall out breathlessly, so he takes the lead.

“The night you told me you had to leave Nevada, I wanted to ask why, but I could tell you weren’t ready to talk about it. Maybe we can start there? Tell me what happened.” I blow out a shaky breath, willing myself to open up to him.

“After I graduated college I had every intention of getting a job with my degree. I wanted to really make a difference by helping people, ya know? But after paying my tuition in full, and only working two days a week to keep my grades up, I didn’t have enough money to get a place of my own and start completely from scratch. My parents weren’t talking to me anymore after finding out about me stripping, so going home wasn’t an option and I didn’t have any friends I trusted enough to find a place with. Not after everything that had happened with the people Ithoughtwere my friends. So, instead of starting a new chapter and getting an apartment, and looking for a job in psychology, I checked into a sketchy motel and asked for more days at the club to help me save up. I was uh… a favorite back then. The other girls would always make comments about how the place was only packed on nights I was dancing, and that I always went home with the biggest tips.” I scoff, remembering how isolating it felt when they would make those comments. All I wanted was friends who would be happy for me, but they never were. “I remember how I would always have to stay late to sober up or let Zay, the onlyrealfriend I ever made at that place, take me home after drinking with customers. Men would always want to buy me a shot before solos and since I was there for the cash I never said no.

“The night Mark showed up at the club, I don’t know he just stood out from everyone else. And that was rare for customers atBad Bunnies. He wasn’t drinking heavily to the point of yelling slurs at the dancers, he sipped on one glass of whiskey the whole night and justwatched. He was a big tipper, and at the end of the night, he stopped me and told me how great I was. I was waiting for some cheesy pickup line but he just offered to walk me to my car and that was it. He started showing up more regularly and it was always the same thing—a big tip and walking me to my car. Then one night he requested a solo and that’s when everything changed. I had a buzz from doing pre-show shots with the girls, on top of drinking with the other customers, and I started running my mouth. I went on and on about hownicehe was,” I say in disgust, scoffing as I continue, “and then I said something I wish I could go back in time and take back. I asked him when he was going to take me home.”

I see the way Tank’s jaw flexes, but he keeps his features solid as he rubs my leg to comfort me.

“God, I was so stupid. I’ll spare you the details, but he did. It wasn’t until months of us hooking up and me ending up pregnant with Hendrix that I found out he wasmarried.” His jaw flexes again, but he doesn’t interrupt.

“I was theother womanand I had absolutelynoidea. I even waited to get an ultrasound before telling him because I thought he might beexcited.” I angrily wipe at the tears falling down my cheeks, feeling a wave of nausea wash over me as I wish I could go back and never even tell him.

“Everything about him changed after that night. He said it was my fault that it happened and toget rid of it—that he was done with me and had no intention of taking care of–” I stop for a moment trying to force the words out. “Of some slut who can’t control herself. I felt sodirty, so worthless, and unwanted. Like by falling for someone IthoughtI knew and getting pregnant that I’d done something wrong.”

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