Page 10 of #Starstruck

We even veered into, “So, how about those Dodgers?” And I didn’t watch baseball.

My introverted weirdness had reared its ugly head, and it was like Noah decided he wasn’t into it or my pathetic attempt at making conversation. He didn’t ask me anything, and his responses were as brief and of as few syllables as possible. Which made me more nervous and awkward and sweaty. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so completely self-conscious and uneasy. I’d never been so relieved to get the check. I offered to split it, and he didn’t say anything as he took my debit card and slid it into the little leather folder.

Noah drove me back to my car at the Foundation in total silence and mumbled good night. His tires squealed as he sped off, not even waiting for me to get safely inside.

As I unlocked my front door, I decided to not dwell on yet another total social failure. Instead, I thought about Chase’s tweets and put Noah out of my mind. I considered showing the tweets to Lexi. I wanted her opinion. But on the other hand, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. If I had built something up in my mind that was not even a little bit based in reality, I couldn’t bear her pity.

My decision was made for me when I arrived home and found Gavin and Lexi cuddling on the couch, studying. Maybe I’d show her later.

“Where have you been?” Lexi asked, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

I set my purse down on the counter and threw my keys into the ceramic bowl. “I think I was on a date.” Or being tortured in my own personal hell. One or the other.

That got my best friend’s full attention. “With who?”

“Noah.”

She put her book down and turned to face me. “That guy from the Foundation you think is cute?”

“That’s the one.” I went over to the fridge and pulled out a bottled water.

“And you didn’t come home to change and get gorgeous first?” She said this like it was some kind of personal affront to her.

I sat in the armchair across from her, the one we’d found at a flea market for ten dollars. “According to my women’s studies class, I’m not supposed to get dressed up to please a man. Where’s your feminism?”

“You mean that thing that murdered romance?” she retorted.

“Says the girl with a bouquet of red roses from her boyfriend on the counter.”

That earned me a warm smile from Gavin. He was super romantic, and Lexi adored being treated so well. It was another point in the pro-Gavin column. Not only did he treat my best friend the way she deserved to be treated, but he had also made a real effort to become my friend. He didn’t take my introversion personally (like some other guys,coughNoahcough, seemed to). He didn’t think something was wrong with me or that I needed to step out of my “comfort zone.” He just accepted me as I was and went out of his way to make me comfortable with him.

Lexi folded her arms. “It’s not about pleasing him. It’s about feeling good about yourself.”

I felt good about myself in that moment, but it had absolutely nothing to do with Noah. I took a swig of water.

“Although if he chooses to enjoy your visual confidence, all the better for you. By the way, where are my details? Did he at least kiss you?”

Gulping down the water in my mouth, I shook my head. “Nope. Just dropped me off at my car.” And drove off like his tires were on fire.

“What kind of date is that?”

“I don’t know if it was a date.”

Lexi narrowed her eyebrows at me. “Did you talk only about the office?”

“No.” That was true, but the only time I felt okay was when we did talk about the office. “We talked about other things.” Sort of.

I didn’t want to tell her how weird it had gotten because Lexi lived in fear that I would become a spinster cat lady since I never got past a third date. Which was partly due to my social awkwardness and also to the we-wouldn’t-be-sleeping-together thing.

Sometimes I thought about starting a blog calledThings Men Say When I Tell Them I’m Celibate. Such as:

“I’m not fifteen. I’m not interested in dating like I still am.”

“Oh. Great. Hey, I gotta go. I just remembered my grandmother’s cat is having emergency surgery tomorrow, and I really want to be there for that.”

“Thanks for letting me know this isn’t going anywhere.”

“Are you trying to become a nun?”

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