Page 86 of #Starstruck

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

My mom took me into the living room and sat on the couch. When I collapsed next to her, she put my head in her lap and stroked my hair, the way she had when I was younger. I poured my heart out, telling her everything that had happened, including how Chase and I had met online and the events of earlier today. How he had accused me of leaking photos. How betrayed Lexi felt.

She just listened quietly, not saying anything. Zia stood next to me and kept patting my cheek with her pudgy hand. “Poor Zo-Zo. My poor Zo-Zo.” She even gave me a couple of kisses, something she did not bestow lightly.

When I ran out of words and tears, my mom finally spoke. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could take the pain from you.”

I had seen this pain before in other people. I’d watched as my grandpa faded away without my grandma. I’d walked in on my mother sobbing over Duncan more than once. I didn’t know a worse pain than heartbreak. And I’d suffered loss before. I should have been used to it by now. But somehow this deep, sharp pain in my heart felt unbearable.

Grief and loss were the cost of love, and I didn’t want to pay it.

But the bill had come due, and I didn’t have a choice.

“I hope you know you could have come to me sooner. You could have told me about Chase.” Although she sounded calm and loving, I detected a note of pain in her voice. Another person I’d hurt with my selfishness.

“I’m sorry. I know. I was just afraid.”

My mom’s hand stilled on my hair. “Afraid of what?”

“I know how much you wanted to be famous. And I guess I thought ...”

“What? That seeing Chase Covington in real life would make me run off and leave you guys behind so I could try to be famous?” It sounded stupid when she said it out loud. “I’m not a rebellious teenager anymore, Zoe. I’m a grown woman with grown-woman responsibilities. If I had to do it all over again, of course I wouldn’t leave you behind. But I can’t undo what’s done. And to be honest, you were better off with your grandparents. I never could have taken care of you the way you deserved. I was still a kid myself. But I love you. I have loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. I’ll never leave you again.”

That made the tears start up again. I knew my mom loved me, but we’d never really talked about her leaving me with my grandparents. It healed my heart a little to know that she’d take it back if she could.

At some point my siblings had all filed in to the living room and quietly listened to us. The older ones smelled of sunshine and grass, as if they’d been playing outside in the backyard.

Zia crouched down so we were eye level. “Cheese makes Zo-Zo sad?”

“Yeah, Chase made me sad.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Then I hits Cheese.”

“We don’t hit people, Zia,” my mom reminded her for the millionth time, but Zia wasn’t having it.

She nodded and whispered dramatically, “I hits him.”

“Captain Sparta sucks,” Zane contributed from behind his Spider-Man mask. Zelda nodded. Zander didn’t say anything, but given the lack of sound from his tablet, it seemed that he had paused his game, which was the equivalent of him agreeing.

“Today he kind of does,” I agreed.

“He forgot to be a hero.”

Yep. He’d put the damsel in distress instead of trying to rescue her.

At that, my mom told everyone to get ready for bed. There was a lot of whining and complaining, but eventually they left.

“The Lexi situation is easy. She will come around. This isn’t the first big blowout fight the two of you have had, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

“This felt different.” My mom hadn’t been there. She didn’t know.

“It isn’t any different. It feels that way because for the first time you’re in love and you’ve had your heart broken. It’s coloring your perspective. I give her forty-eight hours before she’s apologizing. But with Chase ... I don’t know what to say. I think I’m supposed to give you some cliché about fish in the sea or time healing. But I know from personal experience that none of that helps.”

“You could always go with when one door closes, a window opens.”

“That’s not usually helpful, either. Because sometimes when a door closes, you should get some big boards and nail it shut. And sometimes you should open that door back up because people deserve second chances. You don’t think Duncan and I fought? That sometimes we accused each other of things that weren’t true? We did. But I loved him and our relationship more than my own pride. Something to think about.”

I did think about it. A lot. I spent the entire weekend in Marabella with my phone turned off. I wanted to forget about my real life and just be with my family.

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