Page 93 of #Starstruck

“No. Chase did not send me.” He rocked back on his heels, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “In fact, he would probably fire me if he knew I was here. Look, he knows he screwed up. But everybody in his life uses him. Everybody. Even his own mother. Can’t any part of you see how he could have jumped to that conclusion? To everyone around him, he’s a product, not a person. I think you were the first woman who ever loved him for who he is. He’s never loved anyone like he loves you. And he is completely miserable without you.”

One-F’s words caught in my heart and burrowed down deep. I’d been so caught up in my own pain and sadness that I hadn’t given any weight to Chase’s perspective. I could see how I would be the obvious suspect when photos only the two of us had were leaked, and he knew he hadn’t done it.

“Just so you know, one of my coworkers at the Ocean Life Foundation posted those pictures. He stole them off my laptop in some misguided attempt to beat me for a full-time job by making it look like I was holding out on my boss. But I never intended to ask Chase to go to the fund-raiser, because I didn’t want to be another person who used him. I wasn’t keeping anything from him. It was never going to be an issue, because I wasn’t going to treat him like a product.”

One-F nodded. “I know you didn’t do it. I think he knows that, too. And I understand you had this painful thing happen between you, but is that really more important than all the good times you guys shared?”

That lump in my throat that appeared whenever I talked about Chase showed up, making it hard to talk. “It doesn’t matter. There’s no point. He doesn’t believe in marriage. There’s no future for us. It’s better to just end things.”

He wore a bleak expression, and the cajoling smile dropped from his face. “That’s all I wanted to say. Have a good night.” He let himself out, and Lexi came into the room with sad eyes.

“I want to remember the happy times,” I said. “But all I can remember is when he hurt me. Why is that?”

“Probably because happiness doesn’t leave scars.”

She stayed up with me while I cried and talked about Chase. When we finally went to bed, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Despite what I’d said earlier, now all I could think about was our good times. The way he made me laugh. The light in his eyes when he saw me. How right it felt to be in his arms. His surprises and outlandish dates. What a good, loving, smart, funny, thoughtful, charming, and patient man he was.

I had almost drifted off when Lexi woke up. She tried to tiptoe around the apartment, but I could not get back to sleep. I was about to get out of bed when I heard my phone ring.

“Hi, Chase,” I heard Lexi say. “This is Lexi.” Then she began to talk, but I heard only her side of the conversation. She would say a sentence and then pause, listening. “She’s sleeping. Yeah, he stopped by tonight. She knows you didn’t send him. I know. Can I give you some advice? Zoe is a person who doesn’t get mad easily, but when she does, it takes her a long time to calm down. And you really hurt her. She needs to know you won’t do that again. She’s lost too many people she loved. I know it was a mistake. She knows it, too. I don’t know. Maybe show her how serious about her you are. A big gesture. You work in Hollywood. I’m sure you can figure something out. I know she misses you. And she still loves you. Okay. Yeah, I can do that. Okay. Bye.”

I came out of our room as she was putting down my phone. “That was Chase?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t say anything else, but I could see that whatever he’d said had affected her.

“You think I should talk things out with him, don’t you?”

She tapped her fingers against the countertop, like she was uncertain what to say next. “I do, Zoe. Even if you think there’s no future, you should at least give him the chance to tell you what he thinks and what he wants before you make a permanent decision. I just don’t want you to look back on this and really regret it. I know you don’t want to be hurt, but that’s life, you know? It happens. And I think he’s worth that risk.”

I realized she was probably right.

“So what will it be tonight?” I had been at my new job for about a week, and even though it wasn’t a nonprofit, they were committed to community service and encouraged their employees to volunteer, which I appreciated. Gavin had also found an excellent job after graduation, and he was at a training seminar in Washington. Which meant Lexi and I had been watching a lot of TV.

“How aboutMarry Me? I love that show.” Lexi scrolled through our DVR with the remote.

“Nah. They haven’t had a good season since they had those Monterran princes on it.” Plus, I wasn’t really in the mood for a sappy, romantic show. I had been trying to decide what to do about Chase and didn’t want to watch people falling in love.

“Let’s watchJeopardy!” she suggested. “You get the ice cream, and I’ll get it queued up.”

I went to the kitchen and opened the freezer. I thought I heard a metallic whirring sound. Like our DVD player. Which we never used. I stuck my head around the freezer door, but Lexi hadn’t moved. She smiled at me, and I decided I was hearing things. I grabbed us pints of rocky road, along with spoons.

“Thank you,” she said when I gave her the ice cream.

The theme music started, and the board appeared. Lexi glanced at her watch. She looked a little anxious. “Do you have somewhere you have to be?”

“No.” She smiled again as she opened her pint and put the lid on the coffee table.

As the host chatted with the contestants, I said, “Alex Trebek is really nice, by the way. I made a total fool of myself when I met him, but he was so polite.” It had been a relief to fill her in on all the things she’d missed, but it kept reminding me of those good times.

“I’ll take ‘The Long Game’ for two hundred.”

“This National Hall of Fame Junior outfielder, whose career ended in 2010, played in four different decades.”

“Who is Ken Griffey Jr.?” I said with a mouth full of chocolate.

Which, of course, was the right answer.

“You know you’re super annoying to watch this show with,” Lexi teased me, poking me with her toe.

---