Page 28 of #Awestruck

“We need to talk. About this long-standing fight we’re in.”

CHAPTER NINE

Some part of me was weirdly disappointed. That wasn’t what I’d hoped he would say. Obviously I didn’t want him to ask me to marry him, because that was beyond ridiculous—I still hated the guy. But I wanted him to say something that wouldn’t bring me crashing down to earth quite so hard.

“We’re not in a fight,” I said as he got back in his seat. “That implies us both devoting a lot of time and energy to it, which we’re not.”Liar,my inner voice whispered. “Think of it more as an ongoing, detached distrust of you and everything you say.”

“I severely underestimated your anger, and I’m not someone who underestimates anyone. Ever.”

Jeannie chose that moment to reappear with our entrées, telling us not to touch the hot plates as she placed them on the table.

Was that what this was about? The quarterback known for his field vision, his tight control on every play and over every player, had finally been blindsided? And he didn’t like it? As if I’d somehow bruised his precious ego?

The waitress left, closing the door behind her. My food smelled delicious, but for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to eat.

Evan picked up his fork and knife, and then, like he shared my sentiment, he immediately put them back down. “I didn’t think back then about how it all might make you feel. I was too wrapped up in my own drama to think about anybody else. And you were so much younger than we were. I should have taken that into account. I should have been more considerate of your feelings. I am really sorry for everything that happened. But I didn’t betray you the way you think I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I didn’t pass your letter around. I thought it was really sweet, even though it never could have happened between us. You were thirteen. You hadn’t even hit puberty yet. While I was reading it, Piz found me. Do you remember Piz?”

Aaron Piznarski. He’d been our team’s center and one of Evan’s best friends. I nodded.

“Anyway, he grabbed the letter away from me and started reading it out loud. He’s the one who took pictures and passed them around to everyone at school. He’s the one who stole my phone and texted you to come out to the football field. He started all the teasing.”

He was going to blame it all on someone else?What if it’s true?that voice asked me. Even if it was, why hadn’t he defended me? “Why didn’t you do anything about it? Why didn’t you stop him? I’d thought we were friends.”

Evan again reached out, like he wanted to hold my hand, but he stopped himself. “We were friends. I loved hanging out with you. You were like the kid sister I never had.”

Oh, that was a blow to the old ego. I’d always suspected he’d seen me that way, but it was a totally different feeling having him confirm it. “Then shouldn’t you have protected me?”

He leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his dark hair. “I was only fourteen when my parents died. And I didn’t have any relatives who could take me in. Coach Edwards stepped up and went through all the hoops so that he and his family could become my foster family.”

I reached for my purse at my side and pulled out my phone, unlocked the home screen, then pushed the record button. Evan was talking about his time in foster care, something he never, ever shared with the press.

“And I thought it was because of some bond or connection we had until I overheard him one night on the phone. He said he couldn’t have me ending up in a home in a different school district. That I would win him the state championship.” Evan let out a self-deprecating laugh. “He was right. I did. Three times. After hearing that phone call, I almost considered quitting.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He cleared his throat. “Football always made me feel close to my dad. He played college ball, and he had a football in my hands before I even started walking. We used to drill and practice together all the time. I didn’t want to ... I don’t know ... dishonor his memory or something. I did consider throwing some games, just to make Coach Edwards mad, but I couldn’t have done that to my teammates.”

I glanced down at my phone, making sure it was still recording. “Are you close to the Edwards family now?”

He let out a short bark of laughter. “No. I haven’t spoken to them since I graduated from high school. They took me in only to exploit me and my talent. And I did my best when I was living with them to make their lives hard. I acted out. Committed some petty theft, went to too many parties. We even stole a police cruiser once.”

Aha! I’d been right about that. “And despite all the partying, you really never hooked up with anyone?”

I held my breath, waiting for his response.

He narrowed his eyes briefly, then smirked as if he found me amusing. “I was acting out to punish Coach, but I think some part of me was doing it with this belief that if I was bad enough, it was like I was daring my parents to come back and discipline me. I know it sounds crazy, and I didn’t really think it was possible, but I did have that thought more than once. They were really committed to me waiting for marriage, and it turned out to be the one line I couldn’t bring myself to cross. I couldn’t disappoint them that way.”

I was torn. I wanted to let out a moan of disgust that he was sticking to his story, but I was also touched that he was finally sharing all this deeply personal information with me. In high school our conversations had revolved around football and video games. Very surface-only kind of stuff, not at all deep or meaningful like I’d imagined it to be at thirteen. Which I was realizing now as he was being vulnerable with me. “So you’re really committed to this celibacy thing, huh?”

“I am.” He nodded. “And the stuff I did when I was younger—it’s why I have to be extra careful now. I know the press calls me a Boy Scout and a Goody Two-shoes, but I can’t afford to do anything to upset Chester Walton. He knows about my past, and I promised him nothing like that would ever happen again.”

“Why would you care what Chester Walton thinks? You could quit tomorrow, and you’d literally have offers ten minutes later from every other team in the league.” It was in part what eased my conscience for when I got him fired. Knowing that he’d land on his feet in a different city.

“My grandma lives here, and I don’t want to leave her.”

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