Page 37 of #Awestruck

He sat at the edge of his bed, and it creaked beneath his weight.

“Should we, um, lock the door? Put out theDO NOT DISTURBsign?” I asked.

“No. That sign is a red flag to the coaches that something’s going on.” And Evan should know something about red flags considering that he was basically a red-flag factory, and I had no intention of signing up to be the shift manager at Red Flags Manufacturing, Inc.

I mean, he came across as trustworthy and honest, but that was part of his public persona. It was hard to give up my distrust of him and his motives.

“So, you said you wanted to talk to me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked pained, as if he didn’t know how to say whatever it was he’d planned on saying. “I hate that all this happened. I like ... to be in control of things. And now this engagement story has happened, and all of it feels like it’s very much out of my control.”

That wasn’t necessarily true. He could deny it, and then it would all be over. I’d be in trouble at work, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. “You don’t seem like the control-freak type.”

“Probably not something I should admit, but I used to be much worse. I would boss my teammates around and act like all of our losses or wins were on my shoulders. I would try to do everything myself instead of delegating, gave a lot of unsolicited advice to people. But the Jacks have a great sports psychologist who worked with me to focus on controlling my emotions and thoughts instead of everything around me.”

“Oh.” This surprised me. Evan was known for being tightly controlled on the field, but I’d had no idea it spilled over into other parts of his life.

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I always choose the best way to do things. I need to ask you for a favor, and what do I do? Unload my dirty laundry on you. Anyway, first off I just want you to know I didn’t have anything to do with those pictures or the stories about us being engaged.”

“Oh. Yeah. I know that.” Because I knew who was responsible for it. “I didn’t, either.” And a favor? What kind of favor did he need from me?

“I know. But, okay, I’m just going to say it, and I feel bad even asking, but here goes. So my agent thinks it’s a good idea for us to pretend to be engaged.”

“What?”

“They’ve started negotiating my contract renewal. And given how much of a family man Chester Walton is, he will be happy about this, which can only work in my favor. Especially if I’m engaged to a Portland native. It makes me seem more stable and more likely to stick around. On the flip side of that, if I come out and say this was all a big mistake and we’re not engaged, it could potentially bring a bunch of negative publicity that I don’t need right now.”

As one of the people who wanted to bring a bunch of negative publicity down on him, I couldn’t help but cringe. “Why would people care if a photographer made an incorrect assumption about you? I’m not really seeing how that would hurt you.”

“Because ...” He let out a deep sigh before continuing. “The world sees you differently when you’re like me.”

“Like you?” Genetically perfect? Annoyingly charming? Surprisingly smart?

“It’s kind of like ... I’m this self-proclaimed prophet in a completely atheistic society. Either I’m dismissed as some ridiculous impossibility, or I just antagonize people and cause all this anger by challenging their worldview.”

The picture started to become a little clearer. “Because you’re a virgin?”

He nodded. “And because I’m a professional in a sport where aggression is rewarded. Because I’m famous. Because I’m rich. Because I’m athletic. Because I’m a guy, and I’m waiting. So because of that, my masculinity is constantly questioned, because how can I be a real man if I’m not hooking up with every random woman in my path? Even Chester Walton, this religious, conservative family man, has made some condescending remarks to me about it.”

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Whether or not it was true, Evan was committed to maintaining this public persona that he was waiting for marriage. Even in private. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“It’s not fair. It’s also stupid. We complain about toxic masculinity, but people don’t allow men to make different choices. Our society doesn’t let them be who they are and then makes fun of them when they don’t conform to a certain stereotype. Which is why, even though it’s nobody else’s business, I talk about my choices. Because the silent majority is strong, but it only takes one or two people to speak up to start changing people’s minds about what’s normal and what’s not.”

“I can see that.” I was making these neutral statements, hoping that he’d keep talking. Maybe slip up.

“Wow,” he said with a short laugh. “Listen to me! I’ll get off my soapbox now. Sorry.”

“No problem. I can tell it’s something you’re passionate about.” But did all that passion come from true belief and action, or was it to keep his sponsors happy?

“I am pretty passionate about it. Especially since people don’t ever seem to respect it. There’s that adultery website that put a bounty on my virginity. Like it’s another commodity the world can buy. I’ve found naked women in my bed. In my closet. My bathroom. And it’s not because they want me. They want starting quarterback Evan Dawson. Or the million-dollar reward.”

You wouldn’t have to pay me a million bucks. I’d definitely do it for free.I told my inner vixen to be quiet for a second because jealousy smacked into me, hard and strong. I had the urge to find said women and start clawing them up. But the weird thing was, I felt like I’d heard these words from him before. Because he said them so often they sounded a little rehearsed? Or because they weren’t his words at all but something he was regurgitating from his publicist?

He looked down at his feet. “Everybody always wants something from me.”

His last sentence felt a hundred percent real and honest. Guilt made me wiggle a bit on the couch. I wanted something from him, too. He just didn’t know it. “So about this engagement?”

His gaze met mine. “Right. I don’t know what it is about you that gets me going off on all these tangents. You’re easy to talk to, I guess.”

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