Page 65 of #Awestruck

“Tomlinson has three kids, and he told me once that this was how to deal with tantrums. Joey just needed the chance to calm down.”

I wished that kind of thing would work for me. But I knew if I crawled into Evan’s lap, it would probably have the opposite effect. “You’re like the toddler whisperer. I would say you should write a book, but you don’t need the money.”

Evan cocked his head to the side, running his fingers over the top of Joey’s hair. “Kids always seemed scary to me because everything about them is so out of control.”

“As just witnessed here.”

He looked up at me. “Do you ever think you want one of these?”

“My own personal demon spawn?”

“Kids. Babies.”

The floor shifted out from underneath me, and I sat down hard on the couch. “You know you have to have sex first for that to happen.” I had to retreat into sarcasm. It was my only defense.

He ignored it. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready for all of it. Crazy in-laws, possessed two-year-olds, a cranky wife.”

The smile he gave me was full of meaning and promises I wasn’t ready to see. I heard the front door open.

“We’re back!” my dad called out.

And even though it was my family’s home and my nephew was on Evan’s lap, I darted out into the backyard.

I headed to the gazebo my dad had built my mom for their twentieth anniversary. In the spring and summer, it was covered in climbing honeysuckle, but now it just had barren branches. The firepit in the center was filled with wood and a starter log. I found a lighter on the arm of one of the Adirondack chairs and lit the paper covering the starter log. I rubbed my arms, trying to ward off the cold.

My mini freak-out had to do with the fact that this was all moving so fast. One minute I hated Evan Dawson; the next he was in my childhood home making my entire family fall in love with him.

Making me fall in love with him.

Aubrey had been right. Tears ran down my face, despite my wanting to laugh at myself. I was falling for a man I’d spent half my life detesting.

A man who was honest and kind and thoughtful and didn’t deserve all the bad things I’d thought about him.

Who didn’t deserve to be the center of a witch hunt led by my boss.

I had to tell him.

But when I told him, this would be over. He’d never look at me again with delight, or tease me, or keep track of my smiles or laughter. I’d never get to kiss him again or feel the warmth of his skin against mine.

Those thoughts gutted me.

How could I have finally figured out that I had serious feelings for Evan, had probably had those feelings for the last ten years, only to have it all blow up in my face?

As if I’d summoned him, Evan walked across the dark backyard and joined me in the extra chair. I wiped my face with the backs of my hands, hoping he couldn’t see that I’d been crying. He’d put his sweater back on over my dad’s ill-fitting shirt.

“Where’s Joey?” I asked.

“Your dad took him upstairs to the guest bedroom.” He leaned against the chair’s backrest, studying me intently. “Can I ask you a question?”

Oh no, this was it. We were going to have a serious heart-to-heart, and it would destroy everything.

But I couldn’t be a coward forever. “Sure.”

“Why does your niece keep calling me Satan?”

The relief I felt was so strong it was almost tangible. “I may have called you that once.” Or fifty times.

“I should have known.” He drummed his fingers against the armrest. “Your mom was in there telling me all about their anniversary trip. You’re not going?”

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