Page 84 of #Awestruck

“Lots of people are trying to ruin me, Ashton. It comes with the fame and the money. People want to knock you down a notch.”

He pulled into a spot in my parking lot and got out of the car before I could explain more. I followed quickly and again tried to think of the best way to tell him what I had done. What could happen to him and his reputation if Brenda had her way.

But my mouth refused to cooperate, especially once he’d laced his fingers through mine.

Maybe it could wait one more day. Or until after his game, like I’d initially planned.

He loved me, I loved him, and I wanted to have some happy part of that before everything completely fell apart.

Evan walked me to my door, and after I unlocked it, I left it open for him to follow me inside. I kicked off my shoes and put my keys on the table. “Maybe we could watch a movie or something.”

Anything to delay the inevitable confession I was going to have to make.

But he stayed outside, silhouetted by the hallway lamp. “That’s probably not a good idea.”

“Why not?” I asked, walking back over to stand in front of him.

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have no field vision when it comes to you. I don’t know what’s going to happen or what I should do.”

“That’s because this isn’t a football game, and I’m not a two-hundred-and-ninety-pound defensive lineman coming at you.” I reached for him, but he took a step back.

Which surprised me.

“I can’t come in because ... I’m worried that if I walk in there right now, I won’t be able to walk back out.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

The air between us turned heavy and thick, electrically charged with the emotional and physical attraction we were both obviously feeling in that moment.

His words thrilled me in a way I didn’t know was possible. Like I had this power over him he could only barely resist.

I knew the right thing to do in that moment would have been to tell him good night. To remind myself that playing with fire got people burned.

Apparently somebody was going to need to sign me up for the burn trauma unit. I moved closer to him. He didn’t react, like a perfectly sculpted statue. Only his eyes managed to skate across my skin.

“How do you do that?” I whispered, my stomach quivering. “Make me feel like you’re touching me when all you’re doing is looking?”

I wanted to touch him, but it had to be his choice. I wouldn’t push him.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you to come inside?”

His eyes closed, and I saw the slow bob of his Adam’s apple. “What is it you want, Ashton?” He practically growled the words.

And it filled my head with the things I’d imagined for weeks now. Things I’d wanted to take place between us. “There are a lot of things I want. Ice cream that doesn’t make you fat. A job I don’t hate.” Somehow I got just a tiny bit closer. I could feel him on me, even though there were still micromillimeters between us. “To feel desired. Like it’s all a man can do to keep himself in check because he wants me so badly.”

“Do you think that’s not happening here?” The words exploded out of him. “Because trust me, it is. I’m choosing not to act on it. I have thought about what it would be like between you and me. How amazing it would feel. But I drew this line in the sand, and I can’t cross it no matter how much I want to.”

His words managed to make parts of me feel strong and other parts go weak. My entire body had become one desperate ache, dying for his touch. “Sand is a terrible place to draw lines. They’ll keep getting washed away.”

“Ashton.” I loved the way his voice hugged the consonants in my name.

“I need your help.” Some part of my brain registered that it was a cheap shot. So far Evan hadn’t been able to resist whenever I’d called on him for assistance. I did want to respect him and his choices. He was always so kind and giving with me. The very least I could do was keep my mindless hormones in check. But want and desire overwhelmed me, flipping off my ability to think rationally. All I knew in that moment was that I had to have his hands on me, and I didn’t care what I had to do to make that happen. “I can’t unzip this dress by myself.” I turned around, presenting him with my back, walking forward a few steps.

It was only kind of a lie; I probably could have undone it, but it would have involved a MacGyvered metal hanger and me cursing the universe for making it so hard to do.

I felt him walk up behind me, his breathing harsh in my ears. He closed the door, and my entire body lit up with excitement the moment I heard it catch.

Shivering in anticipation, I didn’t dare move as he came closer.

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