Page 34 of Party Favors

“I already told you that’s what I’m calling Adrian Stone because he’s unformed and not worth your time, especially since he’s older than twenty-five and his frontal lobe is fully developed, so there is no excuse.”

I didn’t even bother correcting her this time. Vella was welcome to her opinion. “Hanging out with Max? It’s probably the best date I’ve ever been on and it wasn’t even a date.”

“How do you know he didn’t feel the same?”

“Uh, because when he left, he didn’t even bother to offer up any of those token fake promises to text me soon or that we should do it again sometime.”

Vella blinked slowly at me. “I’m not understanding the problem here. You thought he was cute, he obviously thought you were cute, you’re sickeningly nice, he probably is, too. Seems like a good situation with possibilities.”

“He’s not attracted to me. He felt bad for me because he saw me crying.” Even saying it out loud made me feel deflated. “I would have done the same thing if the situation had been reversed.”

“So?”

How was I supposed to make her understand? If I didn’t, she was going to badger me. No one was supposed to offer their opinion on her life, but Vella had long ago decided that she was going to loudly share with others what she thought about their choices and decisions. If I didn’t make her see reason, she was going to be relentless.

“I saw his phone. He has an actual army of women texting him. While I’m flattered that he would even consider inviting me to join his harem, I’m not interested. I told you about how my dad cheated on my mom constantly. Even if Max did want to date me, which he does not, I couldn’t be with someone like that.” I was a relationship kind of girl.

“When did you see who was texting him?” she asked.

“Your evil plan worked and he lent me his coat when he walked me home.”

“My evil plan was for you to go back to his place, so no, it didn’t work.”

Ignoring her, I said, “I forgot to give his coat back to him, and he must have put his phone in his coat pocket without realizing it.”

I hoped she wouldn’t point out that I’d invaded his privacy, although I had been telling myself it had been innocent, given that I didn’t read any of the texts. Not that I hadn’t been tempted, but that was a step too far.

“He likes you,” she said with a triumphant smile.

“What makes you say that?”

“Max did a leave behind. It’s more serious than you realize.”

“A what?”

“It’s when you leave something behind intentionally so the person you were with has to see you again so you can get your stuff back.”

“I don’t think it was intentional.” It had happened because every time I looked at Max, my brain felt like it was having a heart attack and I couldn’t think straight or remember to do stuff like returning things that had been lent to me.

Why hadn’t he asked for it back, though?

“Does it actually work?” I asked, wanting to distract myself and not think about things that couldn’t possibly be.

“One time I accidentally left my favorite pair of earrings at a guy’s place and wanted them back. It took me almost four weeks because he decided that I’d done it deliberately and was obsessed with him. He thought I was trying to mark my territory to warn off other women and attempted to ghost me.”

“Did you get your earrings back?”

“Only after I sarcastically told him that if I’d wanted to mark my territory, I would just pee in his ficus and leave my droppings on the floor. Why do men think a random scrunchie or scarf is some power play?”

Sometimes people just forgot things. It wasn’t their fault if unreasonably attractive people distracted them.

When I didn’t answer her rhetorical question, she asked, “Does he pass that test?”

“Test?”

“The one your moomah or whatever told you about.”

“Meemaw,” I corrected, trying to recall what Vella was talking about. “Oh! The two-drinks-and-a-puppy test?”

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