His head disappeared and a second later he jumped down to the floor and looked at me expectantly.
“Oh. Right,” I said, scooting over.
We probably should have gone out to the crew mess and watched it there. Then we would be in a public place where absolutely nothing could happen.
I didn’t offer to do that, though.
It felt like my skin was literally pulsating as Hunter climbed into my bed next to me. That feeling only increased the closer he got, accompanied by zinging tingles. The mattress shifted with his weight and I held my breath.
My bunk was a bit wider than his. I probably should have offered it to him when he arrived, given how much bigger he was than me, but I had seniority.
It meant that there was enough room for both of us. Barely. He was stretched out alongside me, close but not touching. I could still feel his warmth and wanted nothing more than to turn and nestle into his side, letting him hold me while we watched Danny Kaye pretend to be a jester and the Black Fox.
“What’s this?” he asked, reaching under his lower back. He pulled out my stuffed penguin that I took with me everywhere.
“That’s Randy. My dad bought him for me at the aquarium.” I put out my hand and he handed it over. If he thought it was childish of me to have a stuffed animal, he didn’t say so.
The other men I’d gone out with had.
“Why are you looking at me that way?” Hunter asked.
Oh no, what way was I looking at him? I was afraid that it was in the “please ravish me” way. “I was just thinking that you don’t seem like the kind of guy who likes musicals.”
Would he believe that?Please let him believe that.
“Then how else would I know the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true?”
I smiled. “Okay, you passed the test. But that’s not an explanation.”
His expression dropped. “My sister adored musicals. She wanted to be an actress on Broadway. She would make me watch them with her.”
A lump formed in my throat. “That’s the sister that passed away?”
He nodded. “I used to hate these movies. But I would give anything to be able to watch one more with her.”
“I know exactly how that feels.” I wanted to put my hand on his, to comfort him, but I didn’t trust myself. His pain made my heart ache.
“Should we start the movie?” he asked, folding his arms over his broad chest.
“Yes.”We should. We definitely should start the movie and not sit here and think about climbing on top of him and kissing away his sorrows.
I pushed play and he tapped me on my arm. When I looked at him, he pointed at my headphones.
He must have thought I was such a disaster. Why couldn’t I be less of a mess around him? I unplugged them so he could hear the movie, then had to immediately adjust the volume so that we wouldn’t bother our fellow crewmembers.
Hunter shifted, causing my mattress to sink in slightly, and I had to be careful to keep that tiny sliver of space between us.
“What we need now is some popcorn,” he said.
No, what I needed now was a defibrillator.
“I’m too tired to make any,” he added, and I didn’t offer because I couldn’t climb over him and retain my last shred of willpower.
We watched the movie and I wasn’t able to pay attention to it. Instead I was keenly aware of Hunter and everything he was doing. When he would laugh and smile, how much he seemed to be enjoying himself.
When it was over I closed my laptop and he said, “Thanks for that. Good night.”
“Good night,” I echoed, keenly disappointed that he was leaving my bunk to climb back into his own. He turned off the light and I heard the bed above me creaking as he settled in.