Page 146 of A Vow of Embers

“Now you know my deepest, darkest secret,” he said.

That made me feel like I had violated a boundary that I shouldn’t have. “I wasn’t trying to—”

“I know,” he said, cutting me off. He was acknowledging that neither one of us was responsible for these dreams and that he understood that I hadn’t been trying to spy on him. “Io doesn’t know about our mother. Don’t tell her.”

“I won’t.” Io did not need this pain. I would keep it from her to protect her. I respected that he would go to these lengths to keep her safe while also realizing that it must have been very lonely to have borne this kind of secret alone.

He rolled over onto his side so that we were facing one another. “I think my stepmother played a part in her death.”

Something about all of this felt wrong to me. Xander hadn’t invited me into his dream. He didn’t want to share that with me. I had intruded. And the things that he was saying now ... it might have been against his will.

“Io gave you your father’s truth serum. Because it had an antidote in it.” He should know what was happening.

He nodded. “Then this might be your time to ask me anything you’d like.”

That felt wrong. Like I was taking advantage of him.

Which he must have seen in my expression. “I’m the one who extended the invitation.”

“Why do you think your stepmother was involved in your mother’s death?” Because it looked very much like his mother had died by her own hand.

“Not in the way you’re thinking,” he said with a sigh. “My mother is from a poor island nation, not far from Ilion. She was the eighth child, the fifth daughter, and the youngest. There were no expectations for her to marry well. Her life was her own.”

“Like me,” I whispered, not meaning to interrupt him. “My brother was supposed to rule and my sister to marry you, leaving me free to do as I wished.”

“You could have chosen your love,” he said. “That’s what my mother did. She loved a commoner, a sailor. She used to tell me stories of his travels when I was young. His name was Jason.”

Things were starting to make sense to me in a way they hadn’t before. I felt a connection to his mother, because I had also loved a Jason.

“My father traveled extensively when he was young, meeting different people from different nations. His own father had told him to look for a wife, but my father wasn’t interested in settling down. He enjoyed women and they enjoyed him.” Something Xander had in common with his father. “But the day he met my mother, everything changed. He fell madly in love with her the first time he saw her. He offered for her hand, promising to make her queen of one of the greatest nations in the world. She declined because she loved another.”

It wasn’t what I had been expecting him to say. I had thought he was going to tell me his parents’ great love story.

“Seeing how advantageous such a match could be, the bride price that my father was willing to pay, my mother’s parents begged her to reconsider. She refused. She loved Jason and would not marry my father. My grandparents forbade her from marrying her sailor. They threatened her and she was not moved. It wasn’t until my grandfather said he would have Jason put to death that my mother finally gave her consent to marry my father.”

I put a hand over my heart. That was so awful. Many parents would circumvent the goddess’s law that a woman had to consent to marriage by doing things like Xander’s grandparents had.

“My father hoped that, given time, my mother would come to love him. He gave her all his devotion, so much so that there wasn’t anything left for his children. He was obsessed with her and winning her over. He lavished her with gifts. Promised her anything her heart desired. Begged and pleaded for her love. Got her with child, hoping that it would change things.”

“How do you know all this?” I whispered. This seemed like something parents shouldn’t have shared with their children.

“He told me. It’s one of my earliest memories, knowing my mother did not love my father and that he desperately wished for it to be different. I think he told me in hopes of winning me over to his cause, that I would beg her to change her mind and love him. It was pointless, though. I couldn’t sway her.”

“Why not?”

“She didn’t love us, either. I think she tried in her own way, but she didn’t truly ever love Io and me the way a mother should because we were our father’s children. I think she resented us.”

I couldn’t help myself. I put my hand on his. That was so awful. I knew how much he had loved her. I had felt it in his dream. What must it have been like to love her with his whole heart and not have that returned?

He looked down at my hand but did not comment on it or return the gesture. I pulled my hand away, feeling ridiculous.

“She was sad all the time. I have no memory of my mother laughing or smiling. Being married to my father destroyed her soul.” He took in a deep breath. “I heard them arguing once. She begged him to take an official mistress, to give his affection to another, but he would not. Sealed up the passageways to show his devotion and steadfastness. He wouldn’t even look at another woman.”

“That’s ...” What did you say to something like that? I didn’t know how to respond to the pain I heard in his voice.

“It was terrible. My stepmother came to be an attendant to my mother after Io was born. I remember how much sadder my motherbecame after Io’s birth, and it never got better. She was always in a state of melancholy. My father tried everything he could to raise her spirits, to entertain her, but nothing worked. Erisa became her friend, someone who she confided in. The more time they spent together, the worse my mother became. And then four years later, news arrived that Jason had died at sea.”

I had to swallow back the emotion that caused me. I knew what it felt like to realize that someone you loved was never coming back.

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