She immediately regretted her remark. He’d given her the gated garden and proposed the gardening club. He’d offered to trade produce for her food bank contract. Spruced up her building. But as generous as those actions were, theydidstill align with the park’s interests. They didn’t prove that he would protect her library if their aims were ever at odds. Or that, even if he wanted to, hecould.
And if she was totally honest, if she’d spotted that grant application inhispile of papers when they were still enemies, she would have applied for it, too. She wouldn’t have thought twice. If it came down to her library or his gardens, Tansy would put her people above his. Even now.
She sagged under that realization. “I’m sorry.”
He swallowed, jaw still tight. She’d hurt him. And she was about to hurt him even more.
“But the library can’t be dependent on you or the gardens or anyone who could pull the rug out from under us again. We have to have autonomy, Jack. You have to understand that by now.”
“You meanyouneed autonomy,” he muttered. “Because you’re hell-bent on never relying on anyone else. But don’t you think if you could save your library all by yourself, you would have done it by now?”
She blew out a painful breath, surprised by his blunt honesty. “Ouch,” she whispered.
His face twisted in remorse. “I meant—” He turned from her, paced away, and came back. “Let me help you. Hell, let it be to make up for not telling you about the grant. Let it bemeowingyou. Not you in debt to me or a deal with strings attached.Let it be because Ilo—” He cut off, scrubbing both hands down his face. “Fuck,” he bit out. “Justletme, okay? Please.”
Tansy checked her watch. “I’m due at the desk in a minute.”
“They’ll cover for you.”
“Jack. I’m all mixed up. We can’t resolve all this before we leave this greenhouse. And I still have to do my job, for as long as it exists. I just need to process all this, and my focus right now has to bemypeople.”
“Okay.” He raised his hands. “But don’t shut me out. Process itwithme.”
“There’s just so much happening all at once, and Briar will be back in—” She checked her watch. Just a few hours.
“You said we wouldn’t end this today,” he pointed out. “I know that was about Briar coming back, not about this, but you wanted this—us—enough to change your mind. That means something.”
“Sure. It means something.” She raised her hands and let them fall to her thighs. “It means this hurts so much more than if I’d never…”
Fallen for him.
“Tansy.”
“Damn it, Jack, I’m telling you, if there isanychance for us to work this out, you have to give me aminuteto catch my breath.”
He shook his head, clearly hating that idea, but he stepped back from her. She moved into the space he’d conceded, and he gave another step so her path to the exit was completely open.
She took the opening, and every step away from him felt heavier than the last.
28
Jack
What Jack needed was a good, hard hike around the back property. But he couldn’t bring himself to stray too far from the Little Green Library, just in case Tansy got that breath she needed and was ready to talk to him. After the first hour, he knew he’d have been better off fucking off into the trees, though. At least out there, he wouldn’t break his neck looking up at every new person coming around the bend, hoping it was her.
After the second hour, he knew the window was closing before Briar returned. Even if Tansy had come to her senses and realized he’d never meant to hurt her and that he was potentially in a position to help her, there was no time now for them to lay it to rest. He’d have to wait until she’d eased back in to having Briar home.
He barked his way through an intern meeting in the courtyard before dismissing everyone early, thinking hewouldtakethat hike after all, but a gardens visitor flagged him down to ask a million questions about how to recover various ailing trees and plants in his home garden, the answers to most of which were,You should have made different choices before, in the immediate days following the flooding, andYou can’t.
When he finally ducked into the storage closet under the admin building, his patience was shot. The base of his skull felt like it was in a vice, with a band of tension pulsing around the back of his head. All the signs were there—agitation, headache, static, racing heart. He was going to have another goddamn panic attack, and he was justsosick of this shit. If he couldn’t fix things with Tansy today, and he couldn’t do his job without melting down in a storage closet, then he should just go home and lose his shit in private.
He peeked around the door to be sure the visitor and anyone else were gone before fully stepping out, determined to do exactly that.
So of course Tansy appeared then, coming down the walk on the other side of the courtyard, thumbing her phone.
“Mom!”
Briar raced toward her from the entrance fountain, followed by a man who lifted his own phone in a greeting. Tansy hugged Briar fiercely for a long time. Long enough for the man to catch up to them. Long enough for Jack to note his strong resemblance to Briar—same lanky build, same thick, wavy dark hair that Jack figured would curl wildly like Briar’s if it were longer. There was no doubt this was Charlie.