Page 81 of Weaponized

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The wait is excruciating. There is no news for hours. I’m like a caged beast, pacing, snarling. Matteo is calling in favors for information, and by the time my father arrives, he has some news that causes me to fall back into the hard waiting room seat.

“She’s suffered a significant brain trauma,” Pop tells me quietly. “She took some serious blows to the head.”

I bury my head in my hands. I can’t live without her. I can’t imagine a world without her goodness and grace. I can’t—

“She’s been with the neuro team here. Her parents have been called. Her mother was out of the country and is catching a flight here. I’m not sure where Cormac is.”

“We need better specialists. We need the best in the world, Pop. We have to—” My voice is jagged, broken.

“I know, son. I know. That’s already taken care of.”

“Get the fuck out.” Rowan has entered the waiting area and is glaring at all of us, lined up in our uncomfortable seats. “Haven’t you done e-fucking-nough?” He’s not yelling, which is what I’d expect. It’s far worse. He sounds guttural, destroyed.

“I can’t leave.” I sound just as demolished.

He stares at me for a couple long minutes. I could swear he’s doing one of my breathing exercises. The fear in his eyes is unmistakable. “Her brain is swollen,” he finally chokes out. “They are going to put her in a medically induced coma in hopes they can bring the swelling down.” He is having as much trouble voicing the words as I am hearing them.

“In hopes?” I repeat dumbly. My father puts his hand on my shoulder.

Rowan doesn’t answer. Instead, he continues to catalog her injuries. “Her brain is severely swollen but there doesn’t appear to be a bleed. Her trachea is bruised. Her nose is broken. There are contusions on other”—he stops, his voice hitches—“parts of her body.”

“Luca,” Matteo snaps, standing up. “Let’s go for a walk.”

The thing is: I can’t feel my legs. My breathing has accelerated, and there is a lancing pain through my chest. I think I make some noise because I vaguely notice the few people in the waiting room startle and look afraid. My dad comes and puts his arm around me, pulls me out of the seat. I hear him say something to Rowan but can’t make out the words.

I’m being walked down a hallway. Placed in an elevator. I start to softly, rhythmically bang my head against its wall. A soothing motion that I hope will make the demons in my head go away. Somehow, I end up outside in the cold, gray sky air, sitting on a bench.

Then, it hits me. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” I stand and scream into the nothing. “Arrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!” I see the tears drip onto my clenched fists but don’t feel them on my face. The rage is mounting. She is bruised and battered everywhere.God, what did he do to her? What did she endure? Was she awake through it all? “I want to bring him back to life and kill him slower. I want to make him suffer. I want him to pay for every single mark on her body.”

My dad stands in front of me. “You’re right to feel that way. I’m so sorry, Luca. So, so sorry.”

“No. No, don’t say it like that. You said that like it’s all over. And, it’s not. She’s going to recover. She’s going to get better. She’s going to get better.” If I just keep saying it…

“I hope so, Luca. I really hope so.”

I shout obscenities until I collapse back onto the bench. It’s freezing outside, but we sit in silence for a long while.

“Do you want to go back upstairs, or do you want to go home for a little while?” My brother is looking at me as though I might shatter at any moment. And, I suppose I just might. “I don’t think they’ll let you in the ICU.”

“I’m not leaving,” I state flatly.

“Yeah, I thought you’d say that.” He sighs.

Some time later, I’m sitting next to Anthony in the waiting room when Rowan returns. He looks at us and his shoulders fall. “Still here?”

I grunt in return but look at him with hopeful eyes. I’m desperate for news. Good news. He sees it on my face.

“I don’t have anything new to tell you, Luca. She’s in an ICU bed fighting for her life. Only one person is allowed in there at a time. My father is in with her now.”

I shoot up out of my chair. “You left her alone with your father?!” I’m going to find her. Make sure no one hurts her again.

Rowan exhales loudly. “You can’t go back there. He’s not alone with her. There’s a doctor there as well. He seems to be on your father’s payroll, although I don’t think mine realizes it. You would only make things worse. She’s safe—well, she’s safe from our father. For now.”

“I need to see her, Rowan.” It comes out as a plea. To my utter astonishment, he nods.

“Yeah, I know. I may hate it, but I know.” His eyes turn glassy. “She loves you. Maybe if you go talk to her—” He stops, collects himself. “I’ll let you know when it’s okay to go back.”

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