Page 41 of Lore of the Tides

She felt a little shocked saying it out loud like that. She was almost murdered. She was almost eaten alive.

She thought... maybe... too much had happened in the last few bells, and she might not be taking it at allwell.

Especially with the way Syrelle was regarding her. As if she were going to break into pieces right before him. She needed to change the subject quickly before she emitted another terrifying, hysterical laugh. “Remember that time you cleaned and wrapped that cut on my thigh?”

Syrelle’s nostrils flared, and his eyes flashed. “In the cave. How could I forget?”

“Your hands were so... gentle... and we didn’t have any of these fancy supplies. You chewed aleaf.”

“That leaf tasted terrible. Worst thirty seconds of my life.”

Lore hiccupped. Shit. Was she laughing or crying? “It made me feel better, though.”

“Yeah. That was the point.”

“I hate to think about those times... before... because it hurts.”

“I can’t stop thinking about them. They’re the only thing getting me through... this mess I’ve made.” He grunted, running his hands over his scalp.

“Does that help you? Thinking about before?”

“No.” His voice was a hoarse whisper. “It’sdevastating. And yet I can’t stop playing the memories again and again, despite the pain... I should’ve told you the truth. I never should have lied.” His eyes shimmered, as they bore into her own. “I can’t believe I had you, and I lost you... I’ll never stop hating myself.”

Lore didn’t know if it was the excitement of the last bell or the fact that Syrelle had just killed the entire crew for her, but she couldn’t help but ask, “Why didn’t you?”

“It got to the point where I wanted to believe the lie. I wanted to just be a guard, whose only task was keeping you safe...” He laughed, the sound strangled with emotion. “And to stop you from thieving.”

“You weren’t very good at either of those.” Lore raised her chin in defiance—of Syrelle, yes, but she also was determined to fortify herself against the emotions battling within her. “After all. It was you, Syrelle, who hurt me the most.”

“That it was,” he said with a nod. “Not to mention, despite my watchful eye, you stole my heart.” He gave a soft, sad smile. “Ever the thief.”

Lore shook her head. “Don’t do this, I can’t—”

“It’s true, Lore. You’ve had my heart since you trusted me enough to sit upon the swing in the garden. I’d tried to fight it... Gods, Itried to ignore your irresistible charm, gorgeous freckles, and wild, unyielding spirit... but every wall I built crumbled when I saw you swinging there in my favorite place in the entire world, the moonlight kissing your hair... I wanted to kiss you so badly it terrified me.”

Lore’s eyes welled up again. “I hate you.”

“I deserve your hate...” His tone turned bitter. “And I still can’t keep you safe. I leave you alone for a single bell, and it’s my own people who try to kill you. I thought this was safest, getting you away from my uncle, but you’re in danger no matter what I do.”

His voice broke off, and he pulled her into his arms.

Lore stiffened for a second before she melted into him.

She’d gone through too godsdamned much today to resist anymore. As much as the disinfectant had, it hurt to be embraced by Syrelle—it hurt because it was also a balm, like that soothing, healing salve, because when she closed her eyes, hefeltlike Asher. His arms tightened around her as she pressed her face into his chest, inhaling his blackberry and honeyed scent, and pretending for just a moment that he hadn’t ruined everything.

The instant she allowed herself to relent, to give in... she was crying, heaving sobs into his bloodstained shirt.

He planted kisses in her hair. He tightened his grip, rubbing soothing circles on her back. He whispered, “The only way to keep you safe is to become so powerful that no one would dare hurt you. Help me find the book, Lore. Together, we can make it so no one will hurt you or anyone you love ever again.”

Lore felt like someone had tossed a frigid bucket of snowmelt on her. She drew back so she could see his face and searched his eyes.

“Was all that about my stealing your heart just another ploy to inspire me to find the grimoire for you?” Her voice was rough, hoarse, barely above a whisper. “Despite the fact thatAuroradelis so dangerous, it almost separated my mind from my body fromhundredsof miles away while I scried at your behest. Even thoughyoursoldiers and chartered sailors tried todrown me.” Her shoulderswere shaking as sobs morphed into laughter. She pushed him away, using all her strength. “Doubling down on your plan to make the stupid human fall for you, so I would do your bidding, like the pawn your kind love to pretendusingis all we’re good for.”

She clenched her fists, her nails sharp daggers in the soft flesh of her palms.

“You would become so powerful that you could ‘protect me’?” She inhaled, stopping the next manic bout of laughter threatening to erupt from her. She wiped her tears with bloodied palms. “I’ve got a better idea.” She leaned in closer to him. “I’ll findAuroradelforme. Then I’ll become so powerful I can protect myself and everyone that I love fromyou.”

The raw fury in Lore’s voice echoed through the room, each syllable a jagged shard of ice. Her hands, slick with blood and tears, shoved against his chest, a desperate attempt to push away not just him, but the torrent of emotions threatening to drown her.

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