Page 57 of Guarded from Havoc

Once outside, I head directly to the garden, feeling thankful that the predicted rain held off. The morning sun warms my skin and catches the gold in Tatum’s hair. In the daylight, the faint sprinkling of freckles across her nose and cheeks are visible. They make her look younger. Even more vulnerable.

Which is why Ishouldn’tbe thinking about how good it feels to hold her. I should be thinking about the best way to make sure she doesn’t feel embarrassed about what happened in the basement, which she absolutely shouldn’t. But knowing Tate—and no, I haven’t known her long, but somehow I feel like I have—she’ll consider it a sign of weakness.

It’s not. At all. Considering what she’s been through, I’m honestly shocked nothing set her off sooner.

Good fucking job, I scold myself.Way to take care of her.

Matt wouldn’t have fucked up like this. He would have thought ahead. Made sure no one would be using the shooting range before he went down there. But not me. I was so pleased to spend more time with Tate, to show her one of my hobbies, something I thought might help her…

My jaw grinds again, hard enough that my molars are in danger of shattering.

A cool hand comes over my jaw and cheek. “Erik. It’s not your fault.”

I can’t bring myself to respond right away.

Itismy fault.

Pushing through the garden gate, I go to the back of the garden and reluctantly set Tate onto the wooden bench, then take a seat next to her. I force my teeth to unclench and work my tense muscles into an expression I hope looks reassuring. Taking her hand in mine, I rest my thumb at her pulse, silently counting.

Close to normal. Thankfully.

Tatum’s blue eyes meet mine, wide and earnest. “Erik. What happened was not your fault. You couldn’t have thought?—”

“I should have. I know enough people with PTSD. I struggle with it myself. Of all people, I should know how things can be triggering. And to hear gunshots…”

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Yes. I panicked. But if it wasn’t that, it could be something else. Fireworks. Blood. An orange sneaker. I could have a meltdown in a shoe store, for all I know.”

Regret settles over me, heavy and suffocating.“Tate.”

“I live in the Adirondacks,” she continues. “Do you know how many people hunt up there? At any time during hunting season, I could have a panic attack or a flashback. And you wouldn’t?—”

Her face falls.

“What, Tate?”

Another deep breath and exhale. “You won’t be there to help me. Not like this time. While I was freaking out, you got me out of there. You carried me all the way to the garden. When I’m in New York…”

Fuck.

FUCK.

I’ve known it in theory. That once this is all over, Tatum will go back home. And I’ll be here in Texas, halfway across the country from her. What if she gets scared? What if someonetries to hurt her? What if her ex—who I’m still not convinced is behind that fucked up game—comes back to harass her again?

That stupid, unfeeling voice of logic whispers,You haven’t even known her for two weeks. Why are you getting all worked up over this? And anyway, you can be friends with her. Call to check in. Maybe even head up there the next time you head to the Sleepy Hollow branch for a visit.

Tatum stares at me with an unreadable emotion in her gaze. It’s not fear. Not lingering panic.

It’s something that makes me hope.

She twines her fingers between mine, so small and delicate, yet strong. “You were there for me, Erik. Not just in the basement. On the island. When those men… I know you were distracted by trying to protect me. And even after… In the hospital. Coming here. You’ve done so much?—”

“It’s not enough,” I reply, surprised to hear the rough tone of my voice. “I should have protected you better. Made sure you never got hurt.”

“You’ve protected me in all the ways that matter. I’m alive. Safe. Sitting in this beautiful garden. Withyou. No, I’m not going to pretendeverythingis great. But from where I’m sitting, I’m doing pretty good.”

Before I can respond, she leans closer to me. Thatlookis back.

Coconut and vanilla waft towards me. Gold and silver sparkle in Tatum’s eyes. Her fingers tighten around mine.

---