Page 63 of Guarded from Havoc

But now isn’t the time to get into that. So instead, I just reply, “I can’t wait to check out the plants I can add to the garden here.”

And if I add a little emphasis to the word,here? So what?

“So you like it? The bag and the apron and everything? Not that you can’t use the tools that are already in the garden. I just thought it might be nice to have your own set of new things. And it’s all matching…”

“Erik.” I set the bag on the coffee table. “I love it. Truly.” Taking his hands, I add, “It’s funny, I never thought much about gardening before. But doing it with you… It’s a lot of fun. Just like yoga. And meditating. And just—” I cut myself off before I say too much.

He moves closer to me, so our thighs are touching. “And what?”

My heart gives an uneven thump.

Do I say it?

But isn’t life too fragile for waiting?

“I like doing everything with you,” I blurt. “All the things you taught me, but also just hanging out. Sharing meals. Talking. Watching cooking and home improvement shows. Just… everything.”

In the silence that follows, with Erik’s eyes dark and working with emotions I can’t decipher, I wonder if I just made an enormous mistake.

Just because I’m ready to throw caution aside doesn’t meanheis.

Just because he said I’m in control of the physical part doesn’t mean it extends to sharing our feelings. And with a guy like Erik, who I’m sure had to compartmentalize his emotions during his years in the Army, who admits to struggling with PTSD but never, ever shows it, what I said might be too much, too soon.

Then.

Erik hauls me into his arms and presses his lips to the top of my head. He just sits like that, hugging me tightly. His heart thuds hard, the rapid beat matching my own.

So… Is that a good reaction, like I’m hoping it is? Or anI’m going to have to let you down and I feel bad about itone?

I’ve never been particularly insecure when it comes to men. Not because I think I’m some amazing catch—I’m solidly above average in looks, but a model, I’m not—but I’ve always figured, if a man isn’t that interested in me, then I’m better off without him.

Or at least, that’s what I used to think.

Now I’m beginning to realize it just might be that I hadn’t met the right man yet.

I never felt this bone-deep connection before. My heart never leapt whenever I saw them. After the relationship ended, I was disappointed, but there was nothing close to the hole in my chest the loss of Erik would leave behind.

All the movies, all the books, all the stories I heard from my friends; insisting that love at first sight was real… I never really believed it. I thought the movies and books were just romanticizing things. I thought my friends were mistaking attraction for something deeper.

But now?

Did I fall in love with Erik during that first hike in the woods? Honestly, probably not. But even then, I knew there wassomething.

And by the time we left the island, the idea of being separated from him was unthinkable. Not just because I trusted him above all others to protect me, but because something deep inside me cried out for him.

Somehow, before my brain caught up, my heart just knew.

Just like I know I’ll be crushed if things between us don’t work.

Just like I know I’ll risk everything in the hopes it does.

Erik lifts his head and sets me slightly away from him, but he doesn’t let me go. “Tate.” He pauses. “I feel the same way. Like… when I’m with you, everything is just… better. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. Where we are. You make everything better. Brighter. And…”

He trails off, his cheeks turning that ruddy pink again.

I palm his cheek, distractedly noting that his beard feels much softer than the last time I felt it. “And what?”

His gaze meets mine. “You make me hope, Tate. For things I didn’t even think I wanted. I thought… I liked being single. It was easier. I thought having my friends and their families was enough. But now… Shit. I’m not good at explaining things like this. I just… I care about you. A lot. And I don’t want to think about my life without you in it.”

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