Page 98 of Small Town Sizzle

I run a hand through my hair, gripping it tightly as if the pain might ground me.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I pace the back porch. A million different thoughts rip through me, each attached to a different emotion.

I’m not mad at Maya. She says she didn’t know. I can’t take this out on her, but it definitely changes things, doesn’t it?

Megan, though. Megan, I’m so mad at her.

I thought she was my friend, even if she had wanted it to be more. I was a cocky bastard back then, and…she deserved better than me.

What if she thought Alex was mine and he’s really not? What if I were the easiest to claim as the father and…I’m not.

I shake my head and blow out a long breath.

That’s why the kid looks familiar. I kept thinking he looked like someone I know, when in reality, he looks exactly like the man I see in the mirror every day.

That’s why he and Mason reminded Mom of me and Ethan.

Shit, did Mom know? If she didn’t and Megan…Megan kept him away from my mom and she knew the truth.

Rage boils within me as I clench my fists tightly. I want to hit something. Beat something until I can’t lift my arms to swing any longer.

How dare she keep this from me? It wasn’t her decision to keep him from me. I should have had a say in all of this, too.

“Garrett,” Maya says softly from the back door. “Can you come in? It’s too cold for you to be out here like this.”

I let out a long sigh before walking back into the house. She’s got a pot of coffee started in the kitchen. She starts toward me but turns around and walks back over to the coffee pot.

“The journal is right there on the kitchen table if you want to read it,” she says softly as she pulls two coffee mugs out of the cupboard.

“I don’t.”

“I can’t even begin to pretend that I know how you’re feeling right now. I know how shocked I was when I read it, but…I can’t imagine how that feels to you. I’m sorry that she didn’t tell you and…”

“You don’t have to apologize for her.”

“I don’t know what else to do,” she says tearfully. “I feel like…I feel like…I should have known sooner or…I don’t know.”

“She clearly didn’t want anyone to know. If you didn’t find out until you read the journal, then that’s how she wanted it.”

“I know that this is a lot right now, but I haven’t told Alex yet and…I have to, but I need to know what you want to do.”

“Want to do? What do you mean?”

“Do you want to be in his life? I…I don’t want you to make this decision because you don’t want to lose me, but I can’t let him get hurt any more than he already has.”

Is she really asking me if I want to be in my son’s life?

I want to take offense to her question, but I know that I shouldn’t. She doesn’t mean anything by it. It is a legitimate question, and it stings.

I don’t know what I want to do. I never thought about having kids or…any of this.

How in the hell would I even begin to repair a bridge that I didn’t burn to begin with?

And how does Maya feel about all of this? How does she feel about me now? Will she want to be with an absent father, even if it was by mistake?

Chapter Thirty-Six

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