Page 40 of Changing Rules

I drop my Kindle and snatch the device, which continues to buzz in my hand. One after another, text messages appear. I don’t unlock the screen, don’t look at the content. It’s enoughthat I see her name at the top of each notification bubble. Teeth gritted, I toss his phone back onto the bed and pick up my Kindle. I stare at the page, but letters refuse to form into words.

“Left them in my duffel bag.” He reappears, holding up his AirPod case and chuckling.

The second he locks eyes with me, his expression falls. He edges closer and sits on the bed beside me. “Is something wrong? Are you angry with me?”

“You have some new messages…from Stacey.”

“Did you go through my phone?” He picks it up and looks at the screen.

“Should I?” I set my Kindle on the nightstand. “It was buzzing nonstop, so I looked at the screen, thinking it might be something urgent. But when I saw her name, I put your phone down. I’m not nosy.”

“I know.” He scans the room, suddenly avoiding eye contact. “We text, that’s all.”

“Yeah…that’s all,” I echo, my heart thumping. “How come you have her number? I don’t remember you asking for it at dinner.”

“I…” He runs a hand through his hair, his gaze now directed at something over my shoulder. “I looked up her company. I wanted to talk to her. It was nice to see her, and I wanted to connect.”

While I’m outwardly smirking, my heart is officially breaking. “Connect?”

“Yeah, connect.” He juts out his chin and folds his arms over his chest, clearly ready to defend himself. “We just talk, message about stuff. Nothing else.”

I cast the blanket aside and climb out of bed, needing distance from him. “Then why did a paparazzo meet me in the driveway this morning, wanting to know if everything is okay between us?”

“Someone was outside our house?” Xander bolts to his feet, his face a mask of concern.

“It was just Jim.” Though it hurts to even look at him right now, I force myself to.Sink or swim, Bella.“He wanted to know if I recognized the girl you’ve been photographed with. Twice.”

For the first time since the day I met him, he’s speechless. He gawks at me, his mouth slightly open. “It’s not what you think.” His voice comes out hoarse.

“How do you know what I think?” I hold his gaze, ignoring the storm brewing inside my chest, willing him to say it right to my face.

“I know it sounds weird.” He laces his fingers on top of his head. The move makes his abs ripple. I ignore it. “I just wanted to make sure she was alright, I swear. She’s different now—strong, confident. She’s changed so much since college. The total opposite of the girl I saw that day in the hospital.”

Stacey became the kind of person I’m struggling to be. I want to be strong and confident. Yet here I am, continuing to rely on him, on Ben…on everyone but myself. I don’t want to be a doormat, but the truth is, I am. I always have been.

“We talked things through. She pointed out that Jake wasn’t the only one to blame back then. I hurt her too. I blocked her without giving her the opportunity to explain herself. While it seemed like I forgave Miller, I refused to give her the same courtesy. She said… Stacey told me she wanted to commit suicide because of me. Because the guy she loved cut her out of his life so easily, as if he’d never even loved her.”

With my lips pressed together, I study him. “I get it. It’s human nature, this desire to have closure, to make things right with the people we’ve wronged. What I don’t understand is why you hid it from me. Have I ever acted possessive? Or jealous? Have I ever said a single bad word about your friends orcomplained about you spending time with them? Have I ever tried to forbid you from doing something?”

“Never. You’ve never done anything like that.” He hangs his head, his shoulders drooping. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Honestly. I wanted to talk to her, nothing else.”

“You were texting her this morning, weren’t you?” I force my voice to stay calm, even as pain radiates through me. “When her message came through, you turned your phone over so I couldn’t see it. You were on the phone with her when you walked in tonight, and clearly you’ve met up with her more than once.”

“I know how it looks,” Xander says, his blue eyes burning. “But it’s not like that. I’m being honest. I only want to be her friend.”

“Then I’ll ask again—why did you hide it from me?”

“I don’t know. I was stupid.” He stomps around the bed, holding his phone out. “Here. You can read every message I sent to her. Every message she sent to me. We’re trying to be friends.” He grasps my wrist and forces the device into my hand.

Involuntarily, my focus drops to the screen. He stands at my side, scrolling slowly, showing me more and more messages. His body radiates heat, yet coldness seeps into my veins.

I seeAlex, Alex, Alex…smiley face emojis and inside jokes, memories about their college days, gifs. Selfies from her. Discussions about meeting up for lunch.

“How many times have you seen her?”

“Four, including today.” His voice is rough, as if his throat is dry. “We eat and talk. That’s all.”

“Four.” I round him, slipping closer to the door.

---