Page 41 of Changing Rules

“Bella, please. I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner. Just… I had no idea how to put it into words, how to explain my need to see her. Hell…” He tugs at his hair and takes a step closer. “I don’t understand it myself. I acted stupid.”

I dig through my purse and pull out my phone. “If you didn’t have anything to hide, you would’ve been honest with me up front. Like you used to be. Instead, you hid it, met up with her behind my back.”

“She’s just a friend. I don’t think of her that way.”

“You don’t think of her that way. Huh. Yet when you’re with her, you don’t think about meat all,” I whisper. “You didn’t call me all day. You didn’t send me a single text, and didn’t reply to mine. You were too busy with her to even bother.”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” he says, his face reddening. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have hidden anything from you.”

I meet his gaze, my breathing shallow, my pulse pounding in my ears. “Audrey was right. If it weren’t for Jake, the two of you might still be together. You might even be married with kids by now. That’s why you have these lingering thoughts. That’s why you can’t explain it to me…because it’s not rational.”

“Stop,” he grits out, his tone getting louder. “I don’t live in the past. There are no what-ifs. I live in the present, and I look forward to my future.Youare my future.”

“I’m not even your type.” The words come out shaky. My emotions are finally getting the best of me, and before I can stop them, tears stream down my face. I’m too drained to fight them any longer. “That day your parents had us over to celebrate my birthday? Audrey made sure to show me pictures of every girl you’ve ever liked. Then you told me about your celebrity crushes. Even Jake knows you prefer blondes. And Staceyisblonde?—”

“Wait.” He stumbles back a step. “Audrey did what?”

“She wanted to make a point, and she made it. I’m not your type. I’m an anomaly.”

“Oh God!” He throws his arms out. “That doesn’t mean anything!”

There’s not enough air in here. My lungs constrict painfully, and my heart has officially been shattered. It hurts so much. I want out.

“It does,” I say, wiping at my cheeks. “You couldn’t take your eyes off her when she showed up at the restaurant, and you had that same look in the pictures Jim showed me—both of them. You’re happy with her.”

I rush to the door, pulling it open wide before I turn back to face him.

“Do you know what I did when I got to the salon this morning? After Jim confronted me? After I found out you’ve been seeing Stacey and hiding it from me? Do you know what I did? I asked Kat to dye my hair blonde.”

His eyes widen and his lips part, but for the space of several heartbeats, no sound comes out. He blinks rapidly, then clears his throat.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I love you the way you are.” He stalks toward me. “Shit. I failed you…and that’s the last thing I want to happen. I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

I step out into the hall. “Even Jake would tell me where he was going,” I spit.

Xander frowns, the corners of his mouth drooping.

“I may not have asked for details, but he never hid his whereabouts from me.”

His eyes turn icy. “Did you just compare me to your cheating ex?”

A snicker escapes me. “The world thinks I’m a cheater too. Have you forgotten that?” The ache in my chest is more like a sharp pain now. “They’ll see those pictures and think I’ve gotten what I deserve.”

“Bella.” He reaches out for me.

I take another step back, then another, avoiding his touch. “I’m nothing like Stacey. I’m dependent. I’m weak and insecure.I let people treat me like a doormat.” With a sniffle, I brush the tears from my face. “That’s why you’re drawn to her. You want a partner who’s like you, strong and confident. An equal.”

“No.” He follows me down the hall. “I saw how she changed, and?—”

Hand on the knob of the guest room door, I push it open. “You look at her the way you used to look at me. I know that look all too well.” I choke on a sob, my throat lodged with tears.

“It’s not?—”

“Goodnight, Alex.” I step into the room and slam the door in his face.

With my back pressed against the cool wooden surface, I slide to the floor and hide my face in my hands. I bawl silently, my whole body trembling.

It never hurt like this with Jake, like I was being ripped open and torn into pieces.

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