Page 42 of Changing Rules

Tonight, something between us broke…and I’m not sure it can be repaired.

Or if I want to repair it.

CHAPTER 12

YOU’RE SUSPENDED

XANDER

A year and one month ago

July

Fuck.This damn dog…

I roll out of bed and stumble to the door. Milo’s in the hallway, pawing at the floor outside the guest room. He’ll wake her up if he keeps it up.

Just as I step over the threshold, the door a few feet down opens.

“Hey, boy,” Bella says, her voice sleepy. “I’m sorry I didn’t hear you earlier.”

Milo lifts his head, wagging his tail and yipping happily.

She takes a step back, and he trots into the guest room. When she closes the door, I’m hit with a ridiculous urge to paw at the door the way he did until she lets me in too. I shut my eyes and drag my hand down my jaw.

Get it together, man.

I hate this distance.Even though it’s your fault.I hate these closed doors.But she’s right to keep you away.I hate the rift between us.You’re the only one to blame for that.I hate seeing her so hurt.Yet you’re the one who caused it.

I fucked up big time, and I don’t know how to change her mind about me.

Feet dragging, I force myself back to bed. For a long time, I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, berating myself.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I wanted to see Stacey, to talk to her, to get to know this new version of her. I admire her resiliency, the way she found herself again after such a tragedy.

But I have only friendly feelings for her. I don’t need anyone except the girl who’s sleeping in my guest room at the moment—because of the fucking messIcreated.

Everything I said to Bella last night was true. I have no idea why I hid my friendship with Stacey from her.

I roll onto my stomach, hug my pillow, and close my eyes. Why the hell did I do it? I had ample opportunity to tell her the truth over the last two weeks, yet I didn’t.

She’s observant, so of course she noticed I was on my phone more than usual. I caught her watching me a few times, but she never asked. I would’ve told her if she had. I think. But she didn’t.

Though, in the back of my mind, I knew she wouldn’t. Sheneverasks about topics she thinks are none of her business, even when they are. She doesn’t pry. She’s quiet and respectful.

She gave me space, and I took advantage of it.

But I fucking love her. What I feel for her is powerful and overwhelming. It’s nothing like what I felt for Stacey, even back then. Sure, there was some kind of love there, but it was shallow, immature. Now, I enjoy her company. I like her as a friend. But what I feel for Bella is a thousand times stronger. Sheismy girl, and I put a fucking crater between us by acting the way I used to, by doing whatever I wanted without taking the feelings of others into account.

I’m not even your type.

My heart pangs as that statement replays in my mind, as the pain in her voice washes over me again. Why the fuck does it matter? Hair color is just that: hair color. A simple physical quality. I love Bella’s personality and her beautiful soul, how much we have in common. She’s my perfect match. All this bullshit about her not being my type makes me restless. Why the hell would I care that she isn’t blonde?

Audrey showed her the girls I had crushes on through the years? I was a pubescent teen, fueled by hormones. My sister had no fucking right to meddle, and I’m done letting her get in the way of my relationship. Fuck her and her manipulation. All these “not his type” talks mean shit.

We don’t fall in love with beauty, we fall in love with imperfections. I love Bella happy, sad, angry, confused, cute, furious. I love everything about her.

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