Page 64 of Changing Rules

Kevin is already waitingat the park when we arrive. He sits on the same bench he always did when we’d meet?—

Stop it, I scold myself. I’m not here to reminisce about my past. With any luck, I’ll put it behind me for good after this.

“Hey,” I greet him as I ease onto the far end of the bench, keeping my distance.

When he turns, I have to hold back a gasp. His face looks terrible. Two black eyes, a bandage across his nose, a swollen lip—Xander definitely didn’t hold himself back.

He shoves his phone into the pocket of his jacket. “Why are you here?”

My chest tightens. “You know why.”

“Because of him,” he snarls, his nostrils flaring.

“Yes.” I shift so I’m facing him head on, straightening my spine and lifting my chin. “Leave him alone. Don’t file charges against Xander. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“Isabella, love, look at my face and tell me again that he doesn’t deserve it. He used me as a punching bag.”

“He did it to protect me. From you.”

“I would’ve never hurt you.”

That’s what I’m banking on.

“But you have. So much.” I stare at him in silence, my hands curled in my lap.

He surveys me, taking in my face, then my body. The gleam in his eye is so familiar, it makes my stomach roll.

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Isabella,” he says my name again, his voice strangled. “Please.”

On instinct, I move closer, holding his gaze. “Kevin, leave him alone. Leave him alone, and I promise I will never file charges against you for what you did to me. You know I still can. Your life will be ruined if I speak up.”

“You want to punish me for loving you?”

“I want to punish you for rape. You raped me, Kevin. There was no consent, just brutality and force.” Heat creeps over my neck and up into my cheeks. What happened between usafterthat still haunts me, even years later. “Leave him alone, and I’ll never file charges against you.”

Jaw pulsing, he looks away. For a long moment, he says nothing, but I force myself to wait, counting in my head. By the time I hit twenty, my resolve has all but evaporated, but he finally puts me out of my misery.

“It wasn’t even my idea in the first place,” he says gruffly. “I won’t file charges against your boy, you have my word. I’ll talk to Sam, make sure she’s not running her mouth.” He leans in so our eyes are level. “Under one condition.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“I have a question, but I need you to promise you’ll answer it honestly.”

Without hesitation, I nod. “I promise.”

“Did you ever love me?”

Head bowed, I force my hands to relax.I can do this. I smooth my skirt and take a deep breath. I’ve asked myself this same question many times, and I came up with my answer longago. Then I buried it under layers and layers of the truth I wanted to believe—mytruth.

With another deep inhale, I face him. The hunger in his eyes washes over me like a wave full of shame. I’ve made so many terrible mistakes, and he is one of them.

“I did,” I confess. Admitting it to him is even harder than admitting it to myself. “I loved you.”

He closes his eyes, and his lips part, like he’s memorizing the moment.

“It was toxic and unhealthy, and it damaged me from the inside, but yes, I loved you. But I don’t love you anymore.” I stand, hovering above him. “Bye.”

As I turn to walk away, he grabs my hand.

---