Page 136 of What if It's Us

Son.

The word makes me flinch.

Yet in an odd way it’s…comforting.

“None of this is your fault but it all happened to you anyway. If anyone here is sorry, it’s me. And I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life. But if I can tell you one very important thing that I hope and pray will help you as you become a father, it’s this.” He leans forward on the table and looks straight into my eyes. “You’re not me, Ledger. You never were and you never will be. You may look like me.” He chuckles ever so softly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Because looking at you right now is like looking at myself in the damn mirror thirty-ish years ago, but you were always one-hundred and ten percent your mother. You had her compassion. Her ability to love. Her patience. Her curiosity. Her passion for the things she loved.”

I love hockey.

I love Marlee.

And I love my three babies.

“You’re going to be a fine father and for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”

Never in a million years did I think I would hear the wordsI’m proud of youfrom my biological father’s mouth and feel theneed to sob, but I am choking back every goddamn tear building up inside me.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper because that’s all I can muster at the moment.

“Are they treating you okay? Your new family?”

I nod. “They’re great. Nick and Rebecca are the reason I got involved with hockey. I owe them my life because they saved mine.”

My father smiles. “Then I owe them mine as well. Because they saved my son and gave him a safe, loving space to grow into the man he has obviously become when I couldn’t give him what he deserved.”

The ominous gray door buzzes open again, grabbing our attention. I half expect to see another prisoner being brought through to visit with someone, only this time it’s one of the female guards I spoke to when I walked in. Her eyes shift around the room to each table until she spots me sitting with my father. She makes a beeline for our table, never taking her eyes off of me. I’m not going to lie…her stare is a bit concerning.

Did I do something wrong?

Am I in trouble?

I immediately start patting myself down, wondering if maybe I left something I shouldn’t have in my pockets but they’re empty. I gave the guards my keys and phone and wallet when I checked in.

What’s going on?

“Mr. Dayne?” she asks me even though I gave her my name about thirty minutes ago. “Mr. Ledger Dayne?”

I nod. “Yes. Is everything?—”

“Sir,” she leans down placing a gentle hand on my forearm and whispers, “I don’t want you to panic but we just got a call about your wife. She’s gone into labor and she’s heading to the?—”

I push out of my chair and spring to my feet. My heart drops into my stomach. I try to swallow but there’s nothing in my dry mouth to help me. “Is she…” I push my hands through my hair. “Fuck, is she okay?”

“Yes, sir.” The nice guard smiles. “But it’s time for you to go. Babies don’t usually wait for their daddy to show up. We’ve got two cars outside waiting for you who will escort you to the hospital so we can get you there as quickly and safely as possible.”

My brows furrow. “Two cars? Is that uh…is that standard procedure?”

Why am I even asking this?

What does it fucking matter?

The guard smiles and shrugs a shoulder. “It just so happens you have a few fans who just want to do what they can to help.”

Well fuck.

I immediately head toward the door but then stop in my tracks. “Shit. Dad!” I turn back around to see my father sitting at the table, a proud smile on his face. Knowing we’re not permitted to make any kind of physical contact, he shakes his head and waves his hands in a shooing motion.

“Go! I’m not going anywhere, Son. Go be the dad I didn’t get to be.”

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