Page 23 of What if It's Us

His curious eyes meet mine. “Yeah?”

I take another bite, nodding as I chew. “Mhmm.” After I swallow I add, “My dad wasn’t around very much and once they divorced he didn’t give two shits about me. And the guys my mom brought into her life weren’t much better. It took fourteen-year-old me to get her to see the pattern she had been moving through. So, she swore off men and turned her life around and then made all the sacrifices she could to support me and make sure I had a better life.”

“That’s pretty bad ass of you to put your mom in her place as a fourteen-year-old girl,” he says with an impressed smirk.

“What can I say?” I lift a shoulder. “I’m bad ass like that.”

He lifts his water bottle and clinks it against mine though being two plastic bottles they don’t make much sound. “Yes you are. Cheers to that.”

We both take a few bites of our food before Ledger finally glances at me. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why do you want this?”

“Want what?”

“A baby. Why do you want a baby like this? Why not do this with your future husband? I’m sure you have a waitlist of eligible men.”

That makes me laugh. “You’re sweet, Ledger, but no. There is nobody waiting on the other side of my door. Nobody good anyway.” I sigh, rolling my eyes. “It seems I take after my mother in the men department. I don’t have the best average when it comes to relationships. The last guy I was with told me he wanted kids and I thought everything was great.”

Ledger narrows his eyes. “Feels like there’s a but in there somewhere.”

I nod. “But…then I found out he not only wanted kids, but he wanted as many as he could possibly create. So much so he had already fathered fifteen children with twelve other women.”

His eyes nearly pop out of his head. “Holy shit!”

“Yeah. Like I said…bad track record. And maybe a piss poor judge in character. Either way, I’m not getting any younger and now my clock is ticking. If I wait too much longer, my body won’t be in my favor where it comes to growing a child. Even at the relatively young age of thirty-one, it’s considered a risky age to be having kids, so I don’t want to wait anymore,” I explain. “I really want to be a mom and my life is stable enough that I could bring a baby into this world and raise it on my own. The idea of doing so doesn’t deter me. But,” I meet Ledger’s eyes, “it could deter you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if I have a baby—your baby—and we’re both still working for the Anaheim Stars franchise, then you’ll most likely see your child in and around the arena. Are you going to be okay with that? Because if you’re not, we might want to rethink?—”

He shakes his head. “Not rethinking, Marlee. I said I was in and I’m in.” He silently takes a deep breath before saying, “I’ll admit, this whole thing isn’t something I had been thinkingabout before the wedding. This probably isn’t one of those decisions I should be making quickly but you asked and I…uh…” He taps his fingers on the table in front of him again.

Is this his nervous tell?

“I didn’t want to say no.”

“You’re right. This isn’t really something you should be forced to decide quickly. I wouldn’t dream of sitting you down and asking you to be a co-parent or something when that may not be what you want. Your life is busy and sometimes chaotic. I get that. You can take all the time you need. I mean once I’m knocked up you’ll have about nine months or so to decide, so...”

“Right. Thanks.”

“But seriously.” I rest my elbows on the table and lay my hand on his forearm. “Before the baby comes, if you want or need to talk about contracts or anything like that, we can make that happen. I think I just want to be sure we don’t have a situation where some days you want to be all in and some days you don’t.”

“Marlee I would never do that to a kid.” He shakes his head, his brows pinching. “I don’t think we need contracts. Do you think we need them?”

His question catches me off guard and I lean back. “Well, I just thought you might want to protect yourself from?—”

“You?” His brows arch. “Do I really need to protect myself from you, Marlee?”

“No,” I answer immediately, bringing my hand to my chest and shaking my head. “No. Not at all. I would never want to do anything to hurt you, Ledger. I just thought, you know, your lawyers and everyone that?—”

“No lawyers.” He shakes his head as he pops a fry into his mouth. “Nobody needs to know I’m doing this for you. As far as I’m concerned this is just something between me and you. WhatI do with my sperm and what you do with my sperm is nobody else’s business.”

“Okay.” I take a sip from my water bottle. “We haven’t talked about payment yet. Why don’t we talk about that next?”

His brows arch. “Payment?” He stares at me momentarily before he finally realizes what I’m saying. “Marlee Remington,” he scoffs, “surely you don’t think you’re going to pay me for my sperm.”

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