Page 31 of What if It's Us

It’s all up to me now.

The most unromantic conception in history.

How did I bring you into the world, Baby? Oh, funny story. This super nice professional hockey player I once knew shot you into a plastic cup and then I injected you up my who-ha through a syringe and bing-bong-bang, there you were.

Okay, okay. We can do this.

Let’s go over this again.

Pillow under ass.

Legs in the air.

Syringe in the vag.

Shoot up.

Stay up.

Hope for the best.

“Marlee?” Ledger’s voice cuts through my thoughts and brings me back to reality.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

He steps closer to me, his brows etched with concern. “Because you’re crying.”

My eyes bulge as I lower myself to the mattress behind me. “What?” I bring my hands to my face shocked that I have to wipe away the wetness of my own tears. “Shit. I’m sorry, Ledger. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to see me like this.”

“Hey. It’s okay.” He kneels in front of me, his hand resting tenderly on my thigh. “I’m here for you. Tell me what’s going on. Are you having second thoughts?”

“About having a baby?” I shake my head. “No. I think I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

“Is it me then?” Ledger asks sincerely. “Because if you don’t want me to be the donor, that’s okay. I can get rid of?—”

“No!” I blurt out before taking a deep breath. “No. I want you to be the donor. And you’ve done all the work already so…”

“Okay, but you’re scared.”

My shoulders fall as do a few stray tears. “Yeah. I’m scared, Ledge. I’ve never done anything like this before and I don’t want to mess it up and disappoint you.”

“Disappoint me?” he asks, genuinely taken aback. He shakes his head, his brows furrowed. “Marlee, you could never disappoint me. This isn’t even about me. This is about giving you everything you’ve ever dreamed of.” He reaches up and softly swipes my tears, his eyes filled with an unwavering warmth. “You want to be a mother, right?”

“Yeah,” I answer through a few sniffles.

“And you asked for my help, correct?”

“You know I did.”

“And I want to do that for you,” he explains tenderly. “How about you let me help you with this next part too so you’re not alone?”

His offer catches me off guard. “What? Help me?”

“Yeah. I can help you do this, Marlee. I’m right here and I’m willing to?—”

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