Page 53 of What if It's Us

“I helped her with that too.”

At my confession, everyone’s brows shoot up and goofy smiles spread across their faces before they all start talking at once.

“What the fuck? You gave Marlee an orgasm?”

“Oh, my God, you’re serious?”

“Oh, you are one slyyy motherfucker, Ledger Dayne.”

“Well, that’s one way to go about it, I guess.”

“So, you’re not fucking but you’re fucking?”

“Is that in the contract? Give me your sperm and an orgasm?”

“But was it a good orgasm or just a piddly little thing?”

I flip off Bear for even asking that question. “Fuck you, bro. She seemed quite satisfied after I was done with her, thank you very much.”

“Sooo okay,” Ella says, calming everyone down. “This cycle didn’t work and you saw her at work crying and you offered to take her home?”

I nod. “Yeah. And I think this is where I might have fucked myself.”

“Because?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Because I bought her all the chocolate I could find in the drugstore and then got us both Mario’s for a late lunch.”

Scarlett shrugs with an approving nod. “So far, so good.”

“I gave her some of my sweats to change into so she wasn’t in her work clothes plus she was feeling all crampy and then we uh…we snuggled on the couch and watched a couple romcoms for the rest of the evening.”

Ella smiles, lifting her arms to each side. “That sounds amazingly cute and romantic and I think you did an excellent job, so what are you worried about?”

“I’m worried because I think she wanted me to kiss her and I didn’t.” I push my hand through my hair. “I mean, there was this moment between us that I felt was…raw and vulnerableand I wanted to make sure to say all the things to get to her understand how perfect I think she is and honestly, I think I succeeded there, but in doing so I raised the tension between us a bit and it really felt like we could’ve kissed. We should have kissed. I have no doubt it would’ve been amazing, but I was too chicken shit to do it so I kissed her forehead instead.”

My body deflates with my confession.

“Uh, yes.” August gives a sympathetic nod. “The old why didn’t I kiss her when I should have panic.” He gestures towards Ella and murmurs, “Been there, dude. Remember?”

Bear chuckles beside me. “So, you weren’t afraid to push a syringe inside her filled with your jizz. You weren’t afraid to pleasure her with a vibrator. But the thought of kissing her freaked you the fuck out?”

Ugh.

He’s right.

“Well, when you put it that way…Yeah. I sound like a pathetic loser.”

“You’re not a loser, Ledge,” Scarlett says, wrapping an arm around me. “You’re one of the nicest guys I know and you sincerely care about people. Especially Marlee. Any of us can see that. We’ve known it for a long time now.”

“Agreed,” Ella and Corrigan say in tandem.

“I mean, did you maybe miss an opportunity to really show her how you feel?” Ella asks. “Yeah, but there will be plenty of other opportunities because you will be trying this baby-making stuff all over again in a few weeks, right?”

“Yeah. Which is another thing.” I huff. “This would be so much easier if we could just try it the old-fashioned way.”

“Have you asked her about it?” Harrison inquires.

“And say what? ‘Hey Marlee, can we just fuck it out and eliminate the cup and syringe?’”

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